My lord, 79 days sober!
Wow. That's all I have to say about that.
I know things in sobreity tend to go up and down like a roller coaster, and lately that has been the case. I am happy, I am sad, I am crazy, I am serene, I am basically insane, yet generally pretty darn good. This weekend during a meeting I began to fantasize about drinking, and thought about how good it would feel to have that warm fuzzy feeling again. Then I realized what I was thinking and immediately refocused onto the meeting.
I don't like it when I think thoughts like that. It seems like my subconscious is trying to plant seeds in my head, and when those seeds are planted my conscious mind takes over and grows them into gigantic trees that will eventually tip the balance.
It is good to know that I am not alone, and that these thoughts are normal for people like us. This to shall pass, and naturally it did. But I won't stop there, I need to pray about this.
Sooo, new prayer for today!
"God, thank you for keeping me sober today. Please grant me the willingness to be willing to not pickup a drink today. God, please remove the obsession to drink. God, please remove the obsession to drink. God, please remove...."
You get the picture. Clearly this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful. We do not have to pickup a drink today, or ever for that matter. One day at a time. I am not alone, you are not alone. Together we will overcome!
no Jonathan, you are not alone
ReplyDeleteRooting for you!
Keep being honest--- I find when the words leave my mouth for someone else's ear, the obsession often passes too
prayer is all well and good, but 'faith without WORKS is dead.
ReplyDeletefellowship is all very well and good, but 'Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics.' p89
For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could NOT survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead. p14
OUR VERY LIVES, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. p20
fellowship and prayer are all good, but 'Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. p97'.
i always tell sponsees to phone a newcomer every day, or find a newcomer in the meeting and try to carry the AA message of recovery to them there. or during coffee after the meeting. why not try that and see how you feel?
please ignore this if it irritates you, but that's SERIOUSLY what works for me. all my sponsees who do this are still sober. and their sponsees, so there must be some truth in it! its not the felowship that keeps me sober. its nice. but its not the solution. for me anyway.
i would not have the recovery i have today if it were not for newcomers. they made my recovery possible. i owe most of what i have learned from them.
sorry if that sounds irritating or patronising. its not meant to sound like that. one can't always tell how these things will be percieved sometimes..
you're putting in the work, theres no mistake about that! just a slight change of tactic might be an interesting experiment. who knows..
unless you're already doing all that and just didnt include it in your post. in which case ignore everything i just said!
keep on keepin on as they say...
yep.
ReplyDelete