Friday, February 27, 2009

Days gone by...

Well well. Another weekend has arrived. I believe I shall go to the meeting tonight as I usually do. This school week has been crazy busy, as will next weeks. But the week after that... I am headed north to Indiana. That should be a good for me. The last time I was there, I was still drinking. I look forward to setting a good example of how one can remain sober and have a good time too! I wonder if my friends will notice the difference?

Ah well... The death in the circle will be sad, but hopefully they will find some comfort in my effort to be there.

No grand revelations today. No ruminations, thoughts or ideas. I am naturally still in a good place mentally... as is usually the case. I feel content...

Jonathan

Today I am grateful

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A loss...

Many years have passed, but all those memories of days gone by persist in the back of my mind, as if they are images seen through a fine haze. I smile when I think of them... I spent many days and nights at your house. You were as much as a father to me as you were to your own son. In those days of loss of direction, exploration, and youth, I sought refuge day after day. Your house became a second home for me, a place to escape from life's worries, a place where the parents seemed to genuinly care about me, and would level with me, instead of the oh so typical level above... where most parents stay.

Skipping school today? No problem, take a nap on the couch Jonathan. Do you need a blanket? No hockey this morning? How about a round of gulf? I think, the image of countless cigarettes, poker and coca-cola will forever be ingrained in my mind. Let us not forget the good times... all those days and nights. I looked forward to those early morning crossword puzzle sessions at Burger King, drinking coffee and smoking a cigerette... school? Screw that, I will go after lunch. You didn't ask questions...

Chad, Jack, and Jonathan... that was the original crew back then... We were all from seperate families, but were like brothers because of you and the hospitality you provided.

I am sorry I left Indiana. I had to leave for school, and one road lead to a fork which lead to another road... which lead me to where I am today. Where I go from here... we shall see. But knowing how way leads on to way... who knows.

I do miss you. I regret not being able to see you again. The last time I saw you was about 2 years ago. Shortly after your first heart attack and surgery. Like a true American hard-ass, you were smoking a marborol red, just weeks after your near death experience.

I will try my best to live a good life, and to enjoy life as you did, and perhaps one day to do it in style. You were a true man's man. A womenizer, a cigerette smoking, golf playing, american dad.

I won't be there for your funeral this weekend, but will fly up the next week to visit with your wife and son. You will be missed.

Jonathan

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Feeling...

Very tired today. I have been extremely busy with school and feel the pressure pushing down! Actually, it's not that bad... but the last two weeks have been all work and no play for me. Adding on top of that baby sitting my brother's child on Saturday shot my favorite night of the week in AA in the foot. So that sucked, but I did enjoy playing with little lil.

I feel like there is nothing more to say.

My sponsor told me I should go to sleep. HALT! HAha, hungry angry lonely tired. TIRED!

My body aches... 2 weeks straight of pure adrenalin working on school, going to meetings, and being fairly social!

I am going to sleep!

Jonathan

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I see a little silhouetto of a man

Well, the cat is ok. She did not break her leg! Yeah, good times..

Went to my AA meeting tonight and really enjoyed listening to the speakers. I like identifying with em... you know, it's like you get in the zone and just zoom in on em, and think of your self in their shoes... awesome man... awesome.

Got to see my friend Jeff G. up at barnes and nobles.... been studying there alot lately. Ran into him around 10:30pm... cool, we chatted for a bit and then I took off to come home.

I am doing my brother a big solid this weekend, helping him out. I look forward to that... I have to set aside "my time" and give myself over to him for a few hours... my sponsor says this is a good thing. I tend to agree.

Got a physics exam tomorrow... pretty sure I will get another 100%. I look forward to a productive and fun weekend. I plan on studying ALOT saturday morning and Sunday. Feel like I am playin catch up in O-Chem II... oh wait... I always feel that way with that class! Haha! But I like it, so its all good.

No complaints today as usual... what is up with that? Oh wait... thats a damn good thing! F-ing good man.

I am tired...

But you know what? I promised myself that I'd read the bigbook regardless, every night, and journal... so that is what I am gonna go do. Right now.

Peace out... good too be free from drugs and/or alcohol today!

Jonathan

I am grateful and thankful for:

Being alive
My cats
My mom
My brother
My dad
The rest of em...
My friends
My sponsor, bless his heart
School people/friends... wow, awesome!
AA
Being sober today, one day at a time
Being serene...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Kitty Cat

Well, I am flattered!

So, what is new with me? Not too much. My damn cat jumped on the refrigerator and promptly did a half nelson to the floor. I heard her jump up there knocking everything off, then I stood up to see what all the commotion was about, and she just dived off.

Guys, seriously... this is what she did to break her damn leg before, and it just happened again. So... now I am feverishly looking at her, seeing if she starts to limp. Kinda worried, kinda pissed. I mean, we blocked that area off, and she still got up! I need to like... put a freaking wall up there, cause I just don't have the energy to take care of another broken f-ing leg. Excuse my french. She is licking herself atm... cats can take a while to show pain. We shall see. I will try to get some sleep and not worrry so much about it.

Today I finally got all my lab work done. Forgot to mention that on Tuesdays I work with one of my professors doing polypeptide synthesis... it has been uber fun. Got to mix some funky stuff up and play the part of a mad scientist! Tonight I watched LOST!!! Ahh! I am sooo freaking lost with that show!

My cat is now sleeping... perhaps a good sign...

Jonathan

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Wow!

Where does all the time go?! :)

I am struggling to fit in EVERYTHING that needs to happen in one day! Studying mostly... but on top of that, AA meetings, friends, family, opening mail, washing clothes, dishes, taking care of a dog and two cats, working out daily, being awesomely cool, striking a pose, and of course saving the world. Ok, just threw in that last one... for shits and giggles. Hehe, funny guy.

Well, actually I am not really struggling much at all... maybe struggling to think of something worthy to type about! Hmmm, well I made a promise to read the big book and write in my journal DAILY. That was a resolution I made and have stuck to it! Awesome! Ah, I also made one to get up earlier each day... that one is 50/50 at this point. I am not good at waking earlier than usual. Hmm... oh well.

Busy busy busy, a little bit of this a little bit of that, a little bit of life. Loving it and living it! :)

Enjoy the light of the day! Or night, since its kinda like midnight atm... Hmmm, random. Okie doke. Thanks Dave for being a constant "commenter" on my blog since I started out three years ago! You are a true blogger friend!

Jonathan

Sunday, February 8, 2009

305 Posts!

Wow... lots of posting going on!

Today I will keep it short as I need to get back to studying!

Today I am grateful for:

My family
My Sister-in-Law
My brother
My mom
My sister
My dad
The rest of em...
My roomy
Her dog
My cats
My stuff
My health
and...

Being completly drug/alcohol free! Hurray!

Mmmmm... I like Chicken and eggs with ketchup and ranch dressing.... yum-ee!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Well well..

Today is my birthday! Hurray! I get to study... alot, on my birthday! But, I will make time for a meeting and some fellowshiping with friends!

Awesome!

Jonathan

Thursday, February 5, 2009

LoL

Haha, loved that last post of mine... Just read it again and it made realize HOW MUCH that show rocks!!!! Argh!

Hehe...

Ok, chill-ax Jonathan... take a deep breath.

Ok. I need to tell you guys something super important about me. So LISTEN UP! This is something I have really been meaning to get off my chest lately, and I don't want to tell any of my friends cause it is kinda personal.

I just wanted to tell you that I am happy!

Yeup. That's it, that is the big secret. Not just today. Not just now. I am happy most of the time. Its like a content, calm, serenity. I smile and enjoy my alone time. I also smile when I am with others. This is genuine... and I just wanted to let you guys know that. Let the WORLD know! Well... not the whole world, just Dave and the other fellow bloggers who may or may not actually read my post!

Well, now that the secret is out, I should mention that occasionaly clouds can gather, and the mood temporarily dips into a shadow. Those are fewer and fewer and farther and farther between. I should mention that everything is temporary, and everything that once was and is will pass on. In accepting that everything changes, accepting life on life terms, we can find happiness!

Jonathan

Sunday, February 1, 2009

BSG Battlestar Galactica!

OMG OMG OMG~!

I love that damn show! THE BEST show ever on tv. The absolute best. No joke, best ever... If you have not watched it, get your ass to the computer and watch the first couple episodes... I just watched the latest episode... man! I am just sooo freaking stoked with the story line. Character development, freaking drama, death, life, mystery, and espionage!! Argh! I can't stand it! It soooo awesome!

LOL

Just excited about it...

Today I am having a super bowl gathering at my house, could be upwards of 15 to 20 people. Nice for a last minute gig eh? Before, when I was drinking, I had no friends. Even after just stopping drinking, like in the first six months, I was fairly isolated. Today I am a social butterfly and I freaking love it.

Happy to be sober one more day at a time... every day.

Enjoy the light of the day.

Jonathan