Thursday, February 28, 2008

Hello Hello!

Been very busy lately!

So busy in fact, that I was jonesing for a meeting the other day. I have been working 30 hours a week and going to school for two days a week... and on top of that, studying for school for at least 15-20 hours a week...

Any how, I realized that I need to keep AA at the top of the list. The other day, I just wanted to sit at home and "relax" on the couch instead of go to a meeting. I really was just isolating... any how, once again by suffering just a tiny bit, I was shown the light. Really, just by missing one meeting my serenity and sanity went out the freaking window!

Cunning and baffling it is!

Today I am Grateful for my sobriety. One day at a time.

Jonathan

Friday, February 22, 2008

List of recovery blogs!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Work, school, more school, and life!

Well, life is good, no?

Work is going as good as work can go! I am grateful to have the opportunity to work and be a contributing member of society, even though I don't have to work - I want to work... all part of that "being a part of" rather than apart from... thing.

Sometimes it's a little much though, I have three tests due this week and one project, so I sometimes think to my self, why am I working if I don't need to?

The answer to that is that I need to work so that I may be disciplined, responsible, and able to plan accordingly. Without work, I have way too much time on my hands, and for me, an alcoholic, that is not a good thing! I have had it way to easy before, and that just breeds sloth and lazyness, which leads to unhappiness.

OMG, though, seriously, this customer service stuff is just hilarious, and trying at times. To stand there and be nice, to every single customer! Sometimes I really am happy, like, when the customer is smiling, but sometimes it's a one way street and that customer is never going to be happy no matter how much I smile and thank them! I think it's hilarious, I feel like I use to be that person on the other side of the counter, getting my daily Latte and then driving off to my corporate job down town.

I believe I feel more comfy behind the counter. We have more fun back there any how. And don't forget to be nice, cause I may just decaf your 10 shot white mocha if your not nice! LOL.

Hmm.. what else. Ah, been hanging out with friends still, I still find the time for the important stuff you know, sobriety first.

Sooo peace out.

Jonathan

I am grateful for

Battlestar Galactica coming back on soon!
Being a cool sci-fi nerdy type
My home
My car
My family
My friends
AA
My friends
My job
My health

Friday, February 15, 2008

Interesting!

Pitfalls... thanks Dave, funny you said that. I had one of those moments on Thursday and then again on Friday.... something silly really, but kinda ruined my serenity for the evening.

I received a 75% on a quiz I took in school recently... and that did not make me very happy! I kinda sorta thought about how mad I was about it, and how it wasn't fair, and all that... brought me right back to what school is all about.

Obsessing about those darn good grades... truly an interesting thing, I always beat myself up if I don't get an "A"... I need to talk to my sponsor some more about this, I have been throwing it out there the last two nights with my friends, about how I feel just because of a silly little "C" on a quiz.

Hmmm... so yea, managing the pitfalls is more important isn't it? Those bad feelings are the moments when you really want to not do the next right thing, and maybe isolate or act out in old behaviors. So it's when those feelings or moments show up that we get into action and use our "tool box".

Anywhoo.. tired, time for sleepy. I saw a movie with some friends tonight.

Jonathan

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Serenity now ;)




You know, I have found that regardless of how busy my life is today, I still find the time to make it to the same number of meetings a week. I think this speaks volumes to how as an Alcoholic, I lacked the basic foundation of a social network, yet today, even when busy, busy, busy; I go do things that are beneficial to my serenity, rather than isolate or wallow in self pity.

It was like society was there, yet I always felt seperate from, and not apart of. Over the last 2 years, I have been essentially resocialized into a group of people that I now identify with. More so, then I identify with my own family in most regards.

It is the common bond of addiction that binds us. Even if you drank one way, or did drugs, or smoked this or that, we all share that same compulsion, that same thought that one drink or drug could fix us... yet only brought pain. So it's like a society within society, which any sociologist would tell you is a very important part of being human. If we do not have society, we are not human, as was shown with kids growing up without human contact. They basically behaved like animals. Perhaps, since we always felt different, we never had those bonds which make us truly human. AA, for me, made me apart of something greater than myself... made me feel apart of rather than lost and hopeless. I am just so grateful for the rooms of alcoholics anonymous.

Anywhooo, feeling rather poetic and reflective today.

Enjoy the light of the day!

Jonathan

Today I am grateful for:

My home
My kitty cats
My mom (detach... detach... detach.... ;)
My brother
My friends
UT
Starbucks
Tampa
Sobriety
My bed
Did I mention you guys?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Something I saw...

Just saw this on CNN.com... talking about happiness and stuff, thought it was kinda relavent.

By the time she was 29, Liz was a successful banking executive on Wall Street. She made vice president in her division and earned a healthy salary. She says she had "a traditional definition of success that had a lot to do with material things," but after eight grueling years in business, Liz says she knew she was not on the road to happiness. "I felt proud, but the work was not inspiring me. I didn't have passion for that work. I felt like I had to stifle parts of myself in order to be what Wall Street wanted from me. I felt like I was playing a corporate character, like it wasn't coming from inside of me, who I really am," she says.

Liz knew that making a big change meant taking an even bigger risk. "I was about to turn 30, and I realized it was time for me to live the life I wanted for myself, not the life that other people wanted for me," she says. "It's not making me happy to sit here at this desk anymore. I cannot blame anyone else for my unhappiness. I completely believe life is short. You do not get a second chance. I was standing at an edge, and for me it was time to jump."
Liz took a 90 percent pay cut and traded the high-wire act of finance for a career as a trapeze artist!

Following her dream is "like laughter in my heart," she says. "It's hard to quantify that fulfillment that comes with it, but it greatly exceeds the compensation that I sacrificed."
Dr. Holden says the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now."

"It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for."

Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life or looking to improve your score on the satisfaction test, there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others.

"It's never too late to be happy," he says.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

1 Year 5 Months!

Just wanted to give a shout out to my homies! Just kidding, but no really, how is everybody doing? I am soooo still sober, and loving it! Over the last few months, I have really started to open up. I have made so many new friends.. you know, not the "I see you ever now and then at starbucks and say hello" variety, but the ones where they call you ever day and ask you how your doing. Well, not every day, but close to it.

We have been having so much fun hanging out at the local coffee houses that it's not even funny. Staying out till 1:00am on a Saturday, just laughing away like it's nobodies business! ;)

At one point, I think the conversation turned to jesus and sex... if that tells you anything about us, our thoughts go straight to the gutter!

So yea, that's that, really been busy lately. I got a job at Starbucks and am back in school full time at the University of Tampa! I have decided to go for nursing, and see how that goes. As far as the starbucks thing goes, I absolutely love it

School and work both keep me very busy, and we have totally fixed the sleeping in problem! Lol, I have to wake up at 3:30 am for my Monday and Wednesday shifts! Ouch!

Still single... that kinda sucks, but I am focused on my self now anyways, trying to get passionate about life and all that. So that's my update!

Enjoy the light of the Day!

Jonathan