It is really. Acceptance of where I am and who I am. I have a goal I am working towards; Medical School. I should not be freaked out by a possible "B" in organic chemistry. I need to accept that good doctors don't always do well in archaic classes that have little to do with medicine.
A friend of mine once said that he knows many great doctors that didn't get an A in organic chemistry... I am thinking that may be me! For a few days there I think I was going into "contingency mode"... thinking of all the possible outcomes of what may happen in the future. Basically, projecting like a typical alcoholic. I am back into acceptance. I went to an AA meeting last night with my step-mom's sister here in California. She is new to the program and has 3 months clean from Methanphenamines.
When I walked into that meeting last night I was just absolutely amazed at how at home I felt. I knew that if and when I ever decide to move somewhere, that I would always have a home and family in these rooms. I didn't know what to expect at the meeting. You know what I found? It was exactly the same. I saw all of the same characters that I usually see. I immediatly could pick out those people I would connect with. I saw friends there. I saw family. I saw that I could be of service here as I could anywhere, and it didn't really matter where I was in the world.
So I got out of my selfish self, my insanity, my self-loathing, my self centeredness, my disease. I got out of it and it felt good. I realized that God is providing and that I am doing the foot work. Life throw's up it's road blocks, and I can keep on going, one step at a time; around each one as long as I keep my hand in my HP's hand. There is nothing to worry about. Life is good. Just reach out and ask for help. Just be there, be present, and accept the way things are.
Today I am grateful and thankful
Jonathan
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