Day 162!
Still can't believe I am sober for almost 6 months! That is amazing!
Has it been all a bed of roses? No, I have things that need dealing with while abstaining from alcohol: I have thoughts and feelings, I have friends I hang out with, I have to wake up without a hang over (ok, that's easy sober!), I have commitments I have to keep.
Sometimes I get depressed, happy, sad, agitated, angry, or just plain silly. Sometimes I am a complete ass, other times I am a nice out-going person. It seems to get better with time, but I can't tell, and sometimes I don't do the things I should be doing, but all and all I stay sober. Isn't that the point?
Basically I have to learn to love myself, and live with my self as I am. It can be hard at times, but I am learning... sometimes faster, sometimes slower.
If there is one thing I have learned, one thing that I would suggest to someone who really wants to stay sober, I would tell them my secret: Commitments.
Coffee commitments, meeting commitments, setup commitments, friend commitments. Get off your ass, volunteer for something. Anyone at any meeting has something for you to do on a weekly basis. That has kept me sober more than anything else. Today I got a call from someone, asking that I make the coffee for them tonight, because they couldn't make it. I don't really feel like it, but when I thought about getting to the meeting early, and preparing the coffee, setting up the chairs, and silently waiting for everyone to show, I realized how blessed I truly am! People call me to take care of things for them in their absence. It makes me feel wonderful, important almost! *Jonathan's ego swells to epic proportions *
Yea, that's cool. I am responsible... but who am I kidding? I don't do it for them, I do it because I know it will keep me sober; just one more day at a time.
One word: Commitment
Enjoy the light of the day!
Hey Jonathan - an old timer told me - Don't beat yourself up. Just be.
ReplyDeleteHardship is the pathway to peace.
oh, you are human? I love your humanness
ReplyDeleteFinding I could commit to life was an amazing thing to learn. I'm happy we "get to" do these simple things like get there early and set up etc.
Way to go on your sobriety. I pray for you Jonathan
Yep. thats what I found too! I don't have commitments in aa at the moment, but I have a daily habit of trying to be helpful which is the same thing but on an informal basis.
ReplyDeleteWonderful! Congrats on 1/2 a year. Doing the right thing is not easy, but you keep doing it. This is most courageous.
ReplyDeleteHappy Valentine's Day!