Day 141... and still sober

Getting sober is easy. It's staying sober that is hard... just so you know.

Today has been another one of those "Fuck it" kinda days. We were in a meeting and I made the suggestion, or point rather, that we should get an attorney involved in every deal we do... everyone in the meeting agreed except for the VP. Then he had the nerve to say "Oh they're young yet...", basically implying that he knows all and myself and this other gal know nothing.

That kinda pissed me off, especially because everyone, even the project engineers know that it is common knowledge in this industry to get a freaking attorney involved from the get go. My boss prefers to not do that, because he thinks he knows everything, and in the long run, we all get screwed.

End rant.

Really, though, it's not a big deal, I have gotten a good bit done today; put a few jobs out to bid, made a few calls, made some emails and wheeled and dealed so to speak. I still would like to switch it up as far as the job goes; quit and get back into computer programming for which my degree is in... I am searching for a job people!

As for life in general... this last weekend I felt the urge and obsession to drink return to me, as if it had not gone any where. Very odd feeling. I found myself dreaming of getting toasted and getting sloshed... you know, that happy go-lucky feeling we chased after time and time again? I thought about that warm fuzzy feeling you get in your stomach and romantized it, even massaged it a bit. Man, scary shit.

Then I thought about how I would feel, the consequences, the hang-over, and the potential to get into trouble... oh yes, I liked to party when I drank. "I think I will just stay sober one more day!" I told myself ;) But I digress, it was not that easy. I did not feel like picking up the phone, nor really doing anything. I forced myself to help out at a meeting. I dragged my ass to my car and forced myself to turn it on, even though I did not want to see you people. I cringed when the phone range, yet answered it, only because I knew that was what I had to do... I went out to dinner Friday and Saturday night with sober friends, watch the game on Sunday with more sober friends, and by Sunday evening I was back on track and feeling golden. How cool is that? Just hanging out and checking in helped keep me sober, one day at a time... How about that? ;)

I really don't want to drink guys, and I today I am glad I have the tools to deal with those feelings, and sober friends to call, and sober friends to shoot the shit with and watch football with.... GO COLTS!!! I really am grateful for all of this stuff.