I know this is cheezy but... I need to write this down. There is a certain someone in my life who I wish would do things my way, to love me the way I want, to have friends that I approve of, to have their life together so that I feel good about it, to do everything my way, for me... selfishly everything for me. I know that when I try to control things in my mind... usually it stays up there, and it's like a hampster wheel... noone knows that I am disturbed (accept my sponsor of course, and whomever I call about it), and of course I know not to try to actually change the person, but I feel these feelings and I just wish they would change. But they won't, and me wishing they would, alone is a problem. Because that is me deluding myself into thinking that somehow my wishing and dreaming will work! But it won't... and so I suffer for a few minutes or hours, until I let it go and wait until the next time I have to talk to or see this person! But I don't want these negative feelings, and so I must do a better job of accepting it as a part of God's plan.
So, from the Big Book of AA, from me to me:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
Today I am grateful and thankful for...
My mom
My family
My cats
My friends
AA
And the big book
And everything else
And having been born in the United States
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
1 year and 9 months!
Been a little while since my last post... but basically all is well.
I have started back up with the summer school, and am on track to apply to Med-School next summer. I am taking this General Chemistry class that is rediculously easy... so it's a struggle to stay awake during the lecture, but kinda fun in a way... especially the lab.
Anywhoo, lately I have been having dinner at my house every Sunday with a huge group of friends! I am telling ya, it's just awesome. Today I think I had 5 different people call me to ask me to hang with them in the evening, turns out that it was one of our friend's Birthday. We had sushi up there off Dale Mabry Highway... Ok, now I am rambling!
School is good, life is good... no worries really. Oh! The only thing that has been bugging me lately is my mom. Is that weird? The only thing in my entire life that I ALLOW to impact my emotional well being, is the way my mom has been behaving. She just will not act the way I want her to. <--- Ha! Funny, that I would write something like that eh? I know, detach, detach, you can't change anybody, place or thing... Acceptance is the answer...
Just feels good to put it out here, ya know?
Today I am grateful
Jonathan
I have started back up with the summer school, and am on track to apply to Med-School next summer. I am taking this General Chemistry class that is rediculously easy... so it's a struggle to stay awake during the lecture, but kinda fun in a way... especially the lab.
Anywhoo, lately I have been having dinner at my house every Sunday with a huge group of friends! I am telling ya, it's just awesome. Today I think I had 5 different people call me to ask me to hang with them in the evening, turns out that it was one of our friend's Birthday. We had sushi up there off Dale Mabry Highway... Ok, now I am rambling!
School is good, life is good... no worries really. Oh! The only thing that has been bugging me lately is my mom. Is that weird? The only thing in my entire life that I ALLOW to impact my emotional well being, is the way my mom has been behaving. She just will not act the way I want her to. <--- Ha! Funny, that I would write something like that eh? I know, detach, detach, you can't change anybody, place or thing... Acceptance is the answer...
Just feels good to put it out here, ya know?
Today I am grateful
Jonathan
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Summer is getting closer!
Er.. well it feels like it is already here tbh! It's freaking gorgeous out! Let's see here... not much to really report. I am going to New York City in a few days for a quick vacation! I have never been and this is the first time I have gone somewhere alone on a trip, so I am stoked!
I haven't exactly figured out what I will be doing, but I have some ideas of what to see and how it's all gonna go down. I have a place to stay and it's near the subway, so I figure that's about all I need! I am bringing my tennis shoes for all the walking I will be doing!
Sobriety is still number one though, I have been hitting some new meetings lately to see what that's like... honestly, I still like my regular meetings better, but my sponsor says it is good to try new meetings... so he must know what he's talking about right?
Still have uber amounts of friends in the program, and we all talk quite a bit, a few of them have found my blog so I may have to be careful in the future what I say!
Anyhow, life is good today!
Jonathan
Today I am grateful for...
My cats
My home
My friend
My mom
My dad
My brother and sister, and niece and the rest of the family
Everything
Just damn happy at the moment
That's ok too isn't it?
I haven't exactly figured out what I will be doing, but I have some ideas of what to see and how it's all gonna go down. I have a place to stay and it's near the subway, so I figure that's about all I need! I am bringing my tennis shoes for all the walking I will be doing!
Sobriety is still number one though, I have been hitting some new meetings lately to see what that's like... honestly, I still like my regular meetings better, but my sponsor says it is good to try new meetings... so he must know what he's talking about right?
Still have uber amounts of friends in the program, and we all talk quite a bit, a few of them have found my blog so I may have to be careful in the future what I say!
Anyhow, life is good today!
Jonathan
Today I am grateful for...
My cats
My home
My friend
My mom
My dad
My brother and sister, and niece and the rest of the family
Everything
Just damn happy at the moment
That's ok too isn't it?
Monday, May 5, 2008
Howdy!
Soo!
About a year and 8 months sober baby! What's new with me? Not much, I am in school and doing well! I have all straight A's at the moment, but we are in finals week, so I have been studying like a maniac!
My teachers all pretty much love me, one of them posted my essay online and told the whole class to read it as an example of what he wants them to do... another teacher asked me to read my paper in front of the class! So much for that fear of public speacking! God will do what we can not do for ourselves! Er... thats what my sponsor said!
Cool, so, every Sunday night, we have been having dinner at my house!! It has been super awesome. I took pictures and stuff of everyone eating, so I hope to put those up here shortly!
Just wanted to check in with everyone!
Jonathan
About a year and 8 months sober baby! What's new with me? Not much, I am in school and doing well! I have all straight A's at the moment, but we are in finals week, so I have been studying like a maniac!
My teachers all pretty much love me, one of them posted my essay online and told the whole class to read it as an example of what he wants them to do... another teacher asked me to read my paper in front of the class! So much for that fear of public speacking! God will do what we can not do for ourselves! Er... thats what my sponsor said!
Cool, so, every Sunday night, we have been having dinner at my house!! It has been super awesome. I took pictures and stuff of everyone eating, so I hope to put those up here shortly!
Just wanted to check in with everyone!
Jonathan
Friday, April 18, 2008
One Year 8 Months!
Oh yea baby!
So, life is good! Just going to school, watching movies, hanging out with FRIENDS, and of course... AA all day all week long!
Ok, maybe not all the time, but seriously... my life is so good today, and that is because I put AA at the center of most everything I do!
Tonight I met up with friends at a local eatery... went to a movie... and then hung out at the local Starbucks!
Aside from Erin's father watching us from across the street... it was a pretty cool evening. I think he has issues... Um yea... I snapped a picture of him with my cell phone... :)
Aside from that we most certainly did not gossip, nor talk ill about anyone other than ourselves all night! :) Ok, maybe a tiny bit of gossip... like that one time when Chris was totally talking to Ted, and then Ted said that Chris like... and then Erin totally jumped in and everyone just started...
Lol, just kidding, err... maybe not! That would be funny if any of my friends actually read my blog! I'd hope they know I am just kidding.
Have a good evening.
Jonathan
So, life is good! Just going to school, watching movies, hanging out with FRIENDS, and of course... AA all day all week long!
Ok, maybe not all the time, but seriously... my life is so good today, and that is because I put AA at the center of most everything I do!
Tonight I met up with friends at a local eatery... went to a movie... and then hung out at the local Starbucks!
Aside from Erin's father watching us from across the street... it was a pretty cool evening. I think he has issues... Um yea... I snapped a picture of him with my cell phone... :)
Aside from that we most certainly did not gossip, nor talk ill about anyone other than ourselves all night! :) Ok, maybe a tiny bit of gossip... like that one time when Chris was totally talking to Ted, and then Ted said that Chris like... and then Erin totally jumped in and everyone just started...
Lol, just kidding, err... maybe not! That would be funny if any of my friends actually read my blog! I'd hope they know I am just kidding.
Have a good evening.
Jonathan
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Starsiege Tribes
Just wanted to make mention of this fabulous game... still running after 9 years after it's release!
My freshman year in college... 1999, I started playing this game obsessively, and drinking while playing. I was in heaven at the time! Basically it was way ahead of it's time then, and even today the game engine is uber cool. It's a first person shooter where you basically play with 16-64 other players on two teams... big maps, huge basis, lots of fun. Exactly why I shouldn't play it!
So popular in fact, there is a small community of players that appearently still play! Interesting...
Original Tribes Download
Today is a good day.
And, in the spirit of sobriety, I am so happy to be sober today!
I feel a bit stressed from work and school, Sandy B once told me he goes to the movies every thursday to unwind. Perhaps I should do that... was meaning to see "Run Fat Boy Run". Yes! I will go to the movies!
Jonathan
My freshman year in college... 1999, I started playing this game obsessively, and drinking while playing. I was in heaven at the time! Basically it was way ahead of it's time then, and even today the game engine is uber cool. It's a first person shooter where you basically play with 16-64 other players on two teams... big maps, huge basis, lots of fun. Exactly why I shouldn't play it!
So popular in fact, there is a small community of players that appearently still play! Interesting...
Original Tribes Download
Today is a good day.
And, in the spirit of sobriety, I am so happy to be sober today!
I feel a bit stressed from work and school, Sandy B once told me he goes to the movies every thursday to unwind. Perhaps I should do that... was meaning to see "Run Fat Boy Run". Yes! I will go to the movies!
Jonathan
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tampa living...
So glad to be sober today!
I am running on just 5 hours of sleep from last night and the night before that... it feels like the bed is calling to me, but no! I cannot go to it yet, I have to go back to work for a meeting at 12:00 for about 2 hours... agh!
I was reading one of my favorite books by George R.R. Martin, called A Storm of Swords... or rather, the whole series, which is called: A Song of Ice and Fire, and I always get to this one part in the book... where I know what's going to happen, since I've read it like three times! One of the main characters, who is really the kind of character you are rooting for to survive and kick everyone's butt, is murdered. Every single time I read the book, I get pissy because the author killed off that character! So weird, I can't help it.. I cringe when I read that chapter... I get so dissapointed in the fictional character's choices and the consequences he suffers!
Kinda funny...
Anyhow, I just passed that part and am reading on! The author is supposed to be coming out with a new book soon... he's been waiting like 4 years now to finish the next in the series, so I decided to read it all again to refresh my memory!
Maybe he will read this and put Robb Stark and his dire wolf back into the story somehow?!
Random post today I guess eh?
Jonathan
I am running on just 5 hours of sleep from last night and the night before that... it feels like the bed is calling to me, but no! I cannot go to it yet, I have to go back to work for a meeting at 12:00 for about 2 hours... agh!
I was reading one of my favorite books by George R.R. Martin, called A Storm of Swords... or rather, the whole series, which is called: A Song of Ice and Fire, and I always get to this one part in the book... where I know what's going to happen, since I've read it like three times! One of the main characters, who is really the kind of character you are rooting for to survive and kick everyone's butt, is murdered. Every single time I read the book, I get pissy because the author killed off that character! So weird, I can't help it.. I cringe when I read that chapter... I get so dissapointed in the fictional character's choices and the consequences he suffers!
Kinda funny...
Anyhow, I just passed that part and am reading on! The author is supposed to be coming out with a new book soon... he's been waiting like 4 years now to finish the next in the series, so I decided to read it all again to refresh my memory!
Maybe he will read this and put Robb Stark and his dire wolf back into the story somehow?!
Random post today I guess eh?
Jonathan
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