I know this is cheezy but... I need to write this down. There is a certain someone in my life who I wish would do things my way, to love me the way I want, to have friends that I approve of, to have their life together so that I feel good about it, to do everything my way, for me... selfishly everything for me. I know that when I try to control things in my mind... usually it stays up there, and it's like a hampster wheel... noone knows that I am disturbed (accept my sponsor of course, and whomever I call about it), and of course I know not to try to actually change the person, but I feel these feelings and I just wish they would change. But they won't, and me wishing they would, alone is a problem. Because that is me deluding myself into thinking that somehow my wishing and dreaming will work! But it won't... and so I suffer for a few minutes or hours, until I let it go and wait until the next time I have to talk to or see this person! But I don't want these negative feelings, and so I must do a better job of accepting it as a part of God's plan.
So, from the Big Book of AA, from me to me:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
Today I am grateful and thankful for...
My mom
My family
My cats
My friends
AA
And the big book
And everything else
And having been born in the United States
Good list
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