Day number 86!!!
I am sober today! And back from California! I had a great time! I saw my step-sister and her beautiful kids, all 5 of them! I saw my Step-mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, my step-aunt, step-cousin, and step-grand mother!
Lots of people, mostly saw them all on Thanksgiving and on Friday! I don't believe I have ever gone out there and stayed sober before! I use to drink all of their wine, and/or bought myself a fifth of whiskey to tide me over for my stay. Not this time! I woke up early, and with a clear head, I enjoyed my family, which is a first, and I played with the kids, which surprised even myself!
I found myself looking forward to playing with those kids then I did anything else! My neices and nephew are 16, 13, 7,7, and 6 years old. So, as you can imagine, a lot of fun! The two older ones are all grown up, which is cool, seeing them grow, the younger ones were just hilarious and too much fun. I have tons of pictures and video, so all is good. I think I pretty much documented the entire day with them!
I am so thankful I was able to enjoy my family this past weekend, sober. If I was not sober, I would have been one unhappy camper. Thank you so much!
I am even grateful to experience jet lag on the trip home, and not drink over it. As I sufferred through the headache last night and shear blahness from the 12 hour travel day, I realized that that too shall pass! And it did, well, almost. I still feel kinda blah, but naturally, that too shall pass!
I can't believe how much I enjoyed my family, I really am soooo blessed to have all of them in my life, even though they live 3,000 miles away!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Day number 81!
I have been pretty darn good lately.
Today, my older brother and I will get on a plane headed towards California! I love traveling! It is a great time to catch up on all the reading I have been missing out on! I should probably bring atleast two books and two magazines, otherwise I will end up buying a book at the airport! Agh! And we don't want to do that, inflated prices and all...
Being with my Dad's side of the family is usually pretty safe as far as drinking goes, not too much insanity in that side of the family. Regardless of that, I would like to try to hit atleast one Cali meeting.
One thing I am wondering about... I told my dad last year that I was going to AA meetings, I don't think I ever told him I am an alcoholic, or even mentioned that I had a problem. My dad probably has no clue, and neither does my step mom as to me ever having a problem. I was always successful enough in business that they really probably didn't percieve anything to be wrong. When around them, I just didn't drink usually...
That being said. Should I tell them? If so, how? I don't want them to worry about me, or think they have to act any different around me. Anywhooo, I will be sure to ask my sponsor and other AA friends about this.
Peace!
Today, my older brother and I will get on a plane headed towards California! I love traveling! It is a great time to catch up on all the reading I have been missing out on! I should probably bring atleast two books and two magazines, otherwise I will end up buying a book at the airport! Agh! And we don't want to do that, inflated prices and all...
Being with my Dad's side of the family is usually pretty safe as far as drinking goes, not too much insanity in that side of the family. Regardless of that, I would like to try to hit atleast one Cali meeting.
One thing I am wondering about... I told my dad last year that I was going to AA meetings, I don't think I ever told him I am an alcoholic, or even mentioned that I had a problem. My dad probably has no clue, and neither does my step mom as to me ever having a problem. I was always successful enough in business that they really probably didn't percieve anything to be wrong. When around them, I just didn't drink usually...
That being said. Should I tell them? If so, how? I don't want them to worry about me, or think they have to act any different around me. Anywhooo, I will be sure to ask my sponsor and other AA friends about this.
Peace!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Day number 80!
Day number 80!
Yesterday, I must say, I had a pretty darn good day. I went home after work, made some food and watched the boob tube. I started feeling slightly off, and almost felt like just going to sleep.
Instead, I went to a meeting, which had been moved to another church do to fumigating, or something to that effect.
Then I went to the starbucks, after the meeting and hung out with some other AAs. I had not called anyone to meet me up there, but felt like I needed to stay out of my house, and around people. So when I showed up at the "buck", low and behold.. .there was Mark, chilling outside. He doesn't even live over here, so that was def my HP working for me. After a while, Jeff showed up, and then Megan, and then Jen, and then Theo! My god! All of these people! My night was truly blessed. That is pretty much my post for the day!
I must say, Megan was looking quite fine. Although I know I am only sober 80 days, I can't help but think about the possibility.... I could tell she was into me, but that naturally changed when she heard I only had 80 days. Just a small change in her demeanor, a small change in her body language. Very interesting, but not unexpected.
Not that I should be dating anyone anywhooo, you all know how that goes. I couldn't help but just feel really good about myself last night, socializing and hanging out. Girls interested in me and all that. Although nothing will come of it, as that would probably go against her program and mine. I just was glad I didn't stay home, and would like to continue trying to hang out with people after work, rather than my lonesome.
It is very hard for me to get out after hours, as I love my home and my loner-self. I need to take my sponsor's advice, and try to enjoy the people in this program. I can not do that if I am always at home, work, or in-between.
Laters!!
Today I am grateful:
For thanksgiving coming up so quick!
I will see my dad in 1 day!
California dreaming!
Our trip tomorrow!
AA in California!
My friends in AA
My friends in AA
My job
My cats
My mom
My sister
My brother
My dad
My family
Today
Yesterday, I must say, I had a pretty darn good day. I went home after work, made some food and watched the boob tube. I started feeling slightly off, and almost felt like just going to sleep.
Instead, I went to a meeting, which had been moved to another church do to fumigating, or something to that effect.
Then I went to the starbucks, after the meeting and hung out with some other AAs. I had not called anyone to meet me up there, but felt like I needed to stay out of my house, and around people. So when I showed up at the "buck", low and behold.. .there was Mark, chilling outside. He doesn't even live over here, so that was def my HP working for me. After a while, Jeff showed up, and then Megan, and then Jen, and then Theo! My god! All of these people! My night was truly blessed. That is pretty much my post for the day!
I must say, Megan was looking quite fine. Although I know I am only sober 80 days, I can't help but think about the possibility.... I could tell she was into me, but that naturally changed when she heard I only had 80 days. Just a small change in her demeanor, a small change in her body language. Very interesting, but not unexpected.
Not that I should be dating anyone anywhooo, you all know how that goes. I couldn't help but just feel really good about myself last night, socializing and hanging out. Girls interested in me and all that. Although nothing will come of it, as that would probably go against her program and mine. I just was glad I didn't stay home, and would like to continue trying to hang out with people after work, rather than my lonesome.
It is very hard for me to get out after hours, as I love my home and my loner-self. I need to take my sponsor's advice, and try to enjoy the people in this program. I can not do that if I am always at home, work, or in-between.
Laters!!
Today I am grateful:
For thanksgiving coming up so quick!
I will see my dad in 1 day!
California dreaming!
Our trip tomorrow!
AA in California!
My friends in AA
My friends in AA
My job
My cats
My mom
My sister
My brother
My dad
My family
Today
Monday, November 20, 2006
Day number 79!
My lord, 79 days sober!
Wow. That's all I have to say about that.
I know things in sobreity tend to go up and down like a roller coaster, and lately that has been the case. I am happy, I am sad, I am crazy, I am serene, I am basically insane, yet generally pretty darn good. This weekend during a meeting I began to fantasize about drinking, and thought about how good it would feel to have that warm fuzzy feeling again. Then I realized what I was thinking and immediately refocused onto the meeting.
I don't like it when I think thoughts like that. It seems like my subconscious is trying to plant seeds in my head, and when those seeds are planted my conscious mind takes over and grows them into gigantic trees that will eventually tip the balance.
It is good to know that I am not alone, and that these thoughts are normal for people like us. This to shall pass, and naturally it did. But I won't stop there, I need to pray about this.
Sooo, new prayer for today!
"God, thank you for keeping me sober today. Please grant me the willingness to be willing to not pickup a drink today. God, please remove the obsession to drink. God, please remove the obsession to drink. God, please remove...."
You get the picture. Clearly this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful. We do not have to pickup a drink today, or ever for that matter. One day at a time. I am not alone, you are not alone. Together we will overcome!
Wow. That's all I have to say about that.
I know things in sobreity tend to go up and down like a roller coaster, and lately that has been the case. I am happy, I am sad, I am crazy, I am serene, I am basically insane, yet generally pretty darn good. This weekend during a meeting I began to fantasize about drinking, and thought about how good it would feel to have that warm fuzzy feeling again. Then I realized what I was thinking and immediately refocused onto the meeting.
I don't like it when I think thoughts like that. It seems like my subconscious is trying to plant seeds in my head, and when those seeds are planted my conscious mind takes over and grows them into gigantic trees that will eventually tip the balance.
It is good to know that I am not alone, and that these thoughts are normal for people like us. This to shall pass, and naturally it did. But I won't stop there, I need to pray about this.
Sooo, new prayer for today!
"God, thank you for keeping me sober today. Please grant me the willingness to be willing to not pickup a drink today. God, please remove the obsession to drink. God, please remove the obsession to drink. God, please remove...."
You get the picture. Clearly this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful. We do not have to pickup a drink today, or ever for that matter. One day at a time. I am not alone, you are not alone. Together we will overcome!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Day number 76
Your totally right Daave. I even heard that shared at a meeting this week, and "chose" not to hear it. My negative attitude towards work needs to be adjusted... and probably is negative to begin with because I am being selfish in some way.
In order to feel good and not be such a selfish, daft, fool I should speak positively about my work. It's hard, but I think since we identify that issue, me always trashing my job, now I can take some action to think a bit more positively.
Did I mention project management ain't so bad? Some good things about my job:
I get paid alot.
I make important decisions
I accomplish things
People want to be included in our "deals"
I have the ear of our President
My boss loves me
I have great coworkers
My job mainly consists of taking notes, calling people, going to meetings, and shooting emails... Very easy.
In order to feel good and not be such a selfish, daft, fool I should speak positively about my work. It's hard, but I think since we identify that issue, me always trashing my job, now I can take some action to think a bit more positively.
Did I mention project management ain't so bad? Some good things about my job:
I get paid alot.
I make important decisions
I accomplish things
People want to be included in our "deals"
I have the ear of our President
My boss loves me
I have great coworkers
My job mainly consists of taking notes, calling people, going to meetings, and shooting emails... Very easy.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Day numero 75!
Just a quick update this morning.
Today I have 75 days!! So thats almost 11 weeks! Very cool, sometimes even scary. I don't want to drink, and know I don't ever have to, but every now and then I get a thought or an image, the obsession lurks behind every corner!
I imagine only an alcoholic could possibly know what I am talking about.
Any how, today is a good day. I feel a little peeved because I need to read a chapter in the Big Book, and do some questions for my big book study tonight... but I don't have any damn time to do it! Well, I could probably steal away for an hour at work today to do it or just do it before Tang So Do tonight, regardless, I meant to get it all done last night, but ended up staying in and messing around on the computer, watching tv, and reading...
I know, I know, I am suffering now because I was lazy and didn't do it yesterday. Funny thing though, I don't think suffering is the right word. I think I am just over-analysing the situation as usual. It takes less than an hour to get caught up in the big book study. No sense in being to hard on myself! I actually enjoy doing the work too, so it's not like it's a chore. I do it because I want to do it. And every time, every week, I grow a little more. Just wish I did it last night is all.
Busy today at work. Very busy. Project Management sucks a big one, but I think that is good, because when I am idle, my mind becomes a big cluster f-ck, and my thinking tends to go to the insanity.
Today I am grateful:
For my car
My house
My two pertty little kitt cats
My job
My job
My job
AA
My friends in AA
My friends outside of AA
My mom
My family
Everything!!!
Today I have 75 days!! So thats almost 11 weeks! Very cool, sometimes even scary. I don't want to drink, and know I don't ever have to, but every now and then I get a thought or an image, the obsession lurks behind every corner!
I imagine only an alcoholic could possibly know what I am talking about.
Any how, today is a good day. I feel a little peeved because I need to read a chapter in the Big Book, and do some questions for my big book study tonight... but I don't have any damn time to do it! Well, I could probably steal away for an hour at work today to do it or just do it before Tang So Do tonight, regardless, I meant to get it all done last night, but ended up staying in and messing around on the computer, watching tv, and reading...
I know, I know, I am suffering now because I was lazy and didn't do it yesterday. Funny thing though, I don't think suffering is the right word. I think I am just over-analysing the situation as usual. It takes less than an hour to get caught up in the big book study. No sense in being to hard on myself! I actually enjoy doing the work too, so it's not like it's a chore. I do it because I want to do it. And every time, every week, I grow a little more. Just wish I did it last night is all.
Busy today at work. Very busy. Project Management sucks a big one, but I think that is good, because when I am idle, my mind becomes a big cluster f-ck, and my thinking tends to go to the insanity.
Today I am grateful:
For my car
My house
My two pertty little kitt cats
My job
My job
My job
AA
My friends in AA
My friends outside of AA
My mom
My family
Everything!!!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Day 74
It still amazes me how I don't feel much like working... ever. I don't like doing things, unless someone has a gun pointed at my head and is ready to pull the trigger. Case in point: I was sittting around, thinking of everything I needed to do, and not doing anything. Then, I talked to this girl in my office about what she needed from me. She said "I need these documents and I need them by Friday" I went back to my desk and made the phone calls I was procrastinating about.
Why do I not feel like working? Why do I act the sloth? Am I not grateful or something?
Well, as you well know, this is an issue that continues to crop up. I feel like I am making progress though, reading through some of my old posts... man like 6 months ago, I don't know what the heck I was thinking!! Work wise and life wise. Like, I know today I am great. Work is great, I am getting things done, even if I don't really feel like it, and with a tiny bit of sloth. (Thanks for the new word Dave!) One thing I do realize, I hate it when people ask me to do stuff for them. Is that weird or what? Maybe I am meant to be my own boss, my own business someday???? I don't know. Any how, I am great today and look forward to a great evening filled with AA fun!
Peace!
Why do I not feel like working? Why do I act the sloth? Am I not grateful or something?
Well, as you well know, this is an issue that continues to crop up. I feel like I am making progress though, reading through some of my old posts... man like 6 months ago, I don't know what the heck I was thinking!! Work wise and life wise. Like, I know today I am great. Work is great, I am getting things done, even if I don't really feel like it, and with a tiny bit of sloth. (Thanks for the new word Dave!) One thing I do realize, I hate it when people ask me to do stuff for them. Is that weird or what? Maybe I am meant to be my own boss, my own business someday???? I don't know. Any how, I am great today and look forward to a great evening filled with AA fun!
Peace!
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