Testing email thingy again!

I am at the school atm and typing this.

 

Mike finally left today, thank the Gods I can get back to work on school and stuff.  Tonight I am going to the Wednesday night meeting on Bayshore.  I am excited.  I have not been there in a few weeks due to the stars aligning and stuff. 

 

Nothing new to really report, I got a 98 percent on my physics exam!  Highest in the class once again.  Yes I am an over-achiever, and my 86 in O-Chem disturbs me to all hell, so I am studying super hard for that next class.

 

I look forward to a relaxing meeting tonight, where I can just decompress for one hour and just sit there agains the wall.  It's my meditation time... do you know what I mean?  After that, I will probably go out to dinner with some friends, I know my buddy Felipe probably wants to hang out, he was out of town recently and just got back.  The other friend who has disappeared do to his new sponsor... I mean girl friend, will probably not be there.  That's about all she wrote.

 

Jonathan

 

Today I am grateful for:

 

Good friends

Mike for buying me all my food the last two days!

My family

My cats

My house

All that crap I own

Living in America

 

And last but sooooo not least, being sober today, one more day at a time

Testing the email feature

Just want to test this email thing... appearently you can post to your blog by sending an email.  Cool! 

Nothing really new atm, I am at school and need to work on my physics lab which is due on thursday... not to mention the bio lab quiz, the organic lab quiz, the organic lab report, the organic lecture quiz on Wednesday, the organic lecture quize on Friday, the Organic chapter outline due on Friday and last but not least I would like to make it to a meeting tonight!

Awesome, I love meetings!  I get to practice with boundaries tonight, my friend Mike is flying in and needs a place to stay.  I told him I was not available to be a taxi, since this night and the next two I am slammed with work.  I bet he will assume that I will drive his ass up to Brookesville... which will not happen.  I can't wait to say no! 

Hmmm, not much else to report.  Just like doing my thing, Still tired of all the drama in AA, but trying my best to stay out of it.  I think I will have to adjust who I hang out with after and before meetings... perhaps it's back to hanging out with Sandy B. and all the older guys? 

Jonathan

Today I am grateful for all this lovely school work!

---

Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators.

September 20th, 2008

It has been a while since I last posted, so let's fill you in on what is new with me. School has recently started back up, I am taking Organic Chemistry, Biology, and Physics. All three classes have a lab on Thursday, so I am pretty much slammed with homework all week every week!

This last week was particularly stressful, as I had three different exams on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, labs all day Thursday, and shadowing a doctor on Tuesday! Fun stuff, but I am struggling with relaxing today. I don't have any tests for a few weeks, but I know I need to study almost everyday even if just for a tiny bit. Today, I woke up and went to Panerra to study at like 11:00am, which was a mistake, because all the folks on the weekend bring their kids up there or something... tons of people, crying babies and so-forth... I should have known.

Promptly getting agitated and not getting anything done, my state of mind quickly regressed to a primitive ape-like state... wanting to throw feces at the table next to me and pounding my fists on my chest seemed to be a good idea... I realized this, and quickly left to come home. If I can't study, perhaps it is better to relax for a few hours before my Saturday night meeting.

So, in the last month I picked up two years sober! Hurray! Sobriety is good, nothing really new there. In light of all the studying and stuff, I still make it to as many meetings as I use to on a weekly basis.

One thing I am annoyed about recently in AA is this: What the heck is up with people in AA, who become a part of a group of friends, and then fracture off into their own worlds? Like, say for instance, a group of people all become close and enjoy hanging out together. Some decide to alienate themselves from the group, and do their own thing, causing others in the group to take it personal, at which point they start their own little resentment. Then someone decides to get a girl-friend, who is in the program, and that person just drops off the face of the planet.

The next thing you know, that whole group of people, who all had fun hanging out like 6 months ago, is fractured and splintered apart into new groups, or even some are out there isolating, or in their own little world with their new found girl friend.

Why can't people just get along? I understand that now I need to just accept it and continue doing the next right thing, hang out with new people after meetings, start new friendships... or better yet: find people who aren't so damn flaky! You know, when people decide to isolate and not be friendly with other people in the program that I may be friends with, I can't act like they do and isolate myself from people I like, value as a friend, and respect... just because they have some weird psycho b.s. excuse for not being nice!

Does this make sense? When I drank, I had no friends really... except the drinking variety. Then I got sober and started making friends. It's amazing how when you get sober, you realize that people are really just people. Social groups form, friendships form, shit happens, and just cause we are all apart of AA, doesn't mean everybody has to like everybody else. I didn't realize that this would happen. I think I kinda thought people all just got along regardless. Throw sexual relationships into the mix of the social group and everything just gets messed up.

It's hard for me too, because I tend to get along with EVERYBODY. I mean seriously, I am not tooting my horn... I do not rock the boat, and I can't think of one person that I "avoid" or have ill feelings toward in the program. Certainly no-one will keep me from a meeting or dinner outing...

Anywhoooo, just blabbing, thats what was annoying me recently and had to get it out there!

Jonathan

Today, I am grateful for:

My cats
My mom
My family
My friends...
My cats
Schoool...
Being sober... and alive
Peace of mind...
You

Halllo!

What is up? Nothing much here! Tonight, I went to my martial arts class, then I went to the Thursday Night Speaker meeting, and then I went out to have dinner with a group of my guy friends in AA! Awesome!

Then I came home, and promptly cracked open this uber book called "There's more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking." By Dr. Paul O.

Very nice, just getting into the spirit... ya know? That calm place... no unhappiness to speak of. I find that the spiritual books, AA and budhist, really help with quietting the mind. Anyhow, I found a passage and thought I would type it out!

On page 54... sounds like it's from the big book... but whatever:

"All my problems today are thinking problems. I don't even have a problem unless I think I do. If I think I have a problem, I have a problem; if I don't think I have a problem, I don't have a problem. Never have I thought I had a problem and been wrong."

So... this is interesting, and I keep on reading things, over and over again. I am rereading this budhist book for the third time, and also obviously reread the big book all the time. I find that as I go throughout my day, and a thought enters my head... it's different today then it was 3 years ago. Its just so cool isn't it? Do you know what I mean?

Jonathan

Today I am grateful...

For my cats
My mom
My sister
My brother
My dad
My family
My friends
Sobriety
Serenity
The calmness...

1 year and 11 months!

Yes indeed, it's true... almost to two years! I am not really all that excited about my b-day. I mean, once you get pass that 2 year mark, 3 year mark, or 20 year mark, it's still the same for me. One day at a time, go to meetins, get connected with other men in the program, and live in the moment... among a whole bunch of other advice I am sure to be leaving out.

What is new with me... hmmm, let's see, I am going to Greece in about 3 weeks with my mum, that should be fun. I have never been to Asia or Europe, appearenty Istanbul is on the border, and that is where we are flying into, so I can say I have been to both! Should be fun, trying to stay in the moment about it, my mom invited my sister too, and I immediately found some negative stuff about that to think about.

After promptly talking to another alcoholic, I was relieved of my negative feelings towards the idea of my sister coming. You see, I knew that my thought processes were f'ed up, and as I was getting angry over this percieved threat to my serene vacation, I realized that I was getting angry and knew I had to call someone! Of course I steamed in my anger for about 2 minutes until the pain became unbearable and I just let it all out. After that, and asking for the willingness to accept things as they are, and getting grateful for the trip (come on, it's Greece, and it's paid for by mum!), my serenity was restored and was able to enjoy dinner with my friends!

It's good to have AA folks to talk to!

With that, I am off to sleep!

Jonathan

Today I am grateful...

For my chemistry teacher
My sister
My mom
My brother
My dad
The cats
Me
Sobriety
AA
And my friends

Attachment...

Interesting Buddhist concept.

I was just thinking about how attachment to objects, persons, and things leads to unhappiness. I think there is some correlation between AA and Buddhism. For instance, the whole expectations thing... like in how we expect others to behave. That is, an attachment. If we were not attached to that person in our mind, then we wouldn't have the expectation. So the whole expectation thing and getting rid of them, as it relates to personal relations, is just like the attachment thing in buddhism. You just stop being attached to things. Of course, that is easier said then done. Meditation, physically actually giving your things away, loving compassion towards all, skillful concentration... the list goes on.

I have been trying to practice some of these principles lately, and they really have been a help. Every night before bed I read more and more spiritual literature since my sponsor suggested it.

You know, I just love the concept that our desires are the foundations for attachment and suffering. It's like a catch 22. Deep... I guess the goal is to reach enlightenment... but not sure that will happen for me, although I think I can make some positive steps in that direction.

From... http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/attachment.html"To summarise: our own projections, selfish expectations and exaggerations are the foundations of attachment and the unavoidable disappointment.

We want to get love, rather than give love.
We seek understanding, rather than trying to understand.
We seek self-confidence, rather than respecting others.
We seek praise and encouragement, rather than giving praise and encouragement .
We don't like criticism, but like to criticise others. "

Ramblings... Day # 679

Life is good today. This is a picture I took while I was in New York City a month ago!!! NYC was on my list of things I need to go do before I die! So I went up there by myself, and wondered around the city! I went up to the Hospital in New Port Richey to shadow a doctor friend in the program. It went awesome. He is being a real big help to me as well. He said he would try to get me in to see some surgeries in the O.R.! I was scared at first, to actually call him and say "hey! Can I come hang out with you at your job?" But he was really cool about it, and you know, it turned out to be all right. No worries.

On top of that, I met with another guy who is an Oncologist, and he kinda gave me his experience over some coffee at the "bucks". I have been really busy over the last week with a couple family members in town... and of course the fourth of July week was there, and it all kind of ran together, and now I am just beat.

I am glad that it is Sunday night, and all of my friends have come over for another successful sober evening at my house. We watched "Shrooms" a scary "b" movie... based on doing shrooms in Ireland and some wierd stuff going down. Pretty cheezy... but hey, we are still super cool and we know it!

Ah, ummmm... called my mom this morning, she was still in bed at eleven A.M. and she said she would call me back, but she did not. I am worried about her. I think she is slipping into insanity... not sure if it includes alcohol or drugs or both, but I am worried none the less. But there is nothing I can do but be there if she REALLY truly asks for help... and stops living in denial.

My cats are truly beuatiful girls. I am happy to have them with me. I need to study, as chemistry is totally getting harder. So with that, I am off to finish my lab paper!

Today I am grateful to be sober, and ALIVE!




Jonathan