September 20th, 2008

It has been a while since I last posted, so let's fill you in on what is new with me. School has recently started back up, I am taking Organic Chemistry, Biology, and Physics. All three classes have a lab on Thursday, so I am pretty much slammed with homework all week every week!

This last week was particularly stressful, as I had three different exams on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, labs all day Thursday, and shadowing a doctor on Tuesday! Fun stuff, but I am struggling with relaxing today. I don't have any tests for a few weeks, but I know I need to study almost everyday even if just for a tiny bit. Today, I woke up and went to Panerra to study at like 11:00am, which was a mistake, because all the folks on the weekend bring their kids up there or something... tons of people, crying babies and so-forth... I should have known.

Promptly getting agitated and not getting anything done, my state of mind quickly regressed to a primitive ape-like state... wanting to throw feces at the table next to me and pounding my fists on my chest seemed to be a good idea... I realized this, and quickly left to come home. If I can't study, perhaps it is better to relax for a few hours before my Saturday night meeting.

So, in the last month I picked up two years sober! Hurray! Sobriety is good, nothing really new there. In light of all the studying and stuff, I still make it to as many meetings as I use to on a weekly basis.

One thing I am annoyed about recently in AA is this: What the heck is up with people in AA, who become a part of a group of friends, and then fracture off into their own worlds? Like, say for instance, a group of people all become close and enjoy hanging out together. Some decide to alienate themselves from the group, and do their own thing, causing others in the group to take it personal, at which point they start their own little resentment. Then someone decides to get a girl-friend, who is in the program, and that person just drops off the face of the planet.

The next thing you know, that whole group of people, who all had fun hanging out like 6 months ago, is fractured and splintered apart into new groups, or even some are out there isolating, or in their own little world with their new found girl friend.

Why can't people just get along? I understand that now I need to just accept it and continue doing the next right thing, hang out with new people after meetings, start new friendships... or better yet: find people who aren't so damn flaky! You know, when people decide to isolate and not be friendly with other people in the program that I may be friends with, I can't act like they do and isolate myself from people I like, value as a friend, and respect... just because they have some weird psycho b.s. excuse for not being nice!

Does this make sense? When I drank, I had no friends really... except the drinking variety. Then I got sober and started making friends. It's amazing how when you get sober, you realize that people are really just people. Social groups form, friendships form, shit happens, and just cause we are all apart of AA, doesn't mean everybody has to like everybody else. I didn't realize that this would happen. I think I kinda thought people all just got along regardless. Throw sexual relationships into the mix of the social group and everything just gets messed up.

It's hard for me too, because I tend to get along with EVERYBODY. I mean seriously, I am not tooting my horn... I do not rock the boat, and I can't think of one person that I "avoid" or have ill feelings toward in the program. Certainly no-one will keep me from a meeting or dinner outing...

Anywhoooo, just blabbing, thats what was annoying me recently and had to get it out there!

Jonathan

Today, I am grateful for:

My cats
My mom
My family
My friends...
My cats
Schoool...
Being sober... and alive
Peace of mind...
You