What is up? Nothing much here! Tonight, I went to my martial arts class, then I went to the Thursday Night Speaker meeting, and then I went out to have dinner with a group of my guy friends in AA! Awesome!
Then I came home, and promptly cracked open this uber book called "There's more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking." By Dr. Paul O.
Very nice, just getting into the spirit... ya know? That calm place... no unhappiness to speak of. I find that the spiritual books, AA and budhist, really help with quietting the mind. Anyhow, I found a passage and thought I would type it out!
On page 54... sounds like it's from the big book... but whatever:
"All my problems today are thinking problems. I don't even have a problem unless I think I do. If I think I have a problem, I have a problem; if I don't think I have a problem, I don't have a problem. Never have I thought I had a problem and been wrong."
So... this is interesting, and I keep on reading things, over and over again. I am rereading this budhist book for the third time, and also obviously reread the big book all the time. I find that as I go throughout my day, and a thought enters my head... it's different today then it was 3 years ago. Its just so cool isn't it? Do you know what I mean?
Jonathan
Today I am grateful...
For my cats
My mom
My sister
My brother
My dad
My family
My friends
Sobriety
Serenity
The calmness...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
1 year and 11 months!
Yes indeed, it's true... almost to two years! I am not really all that excited about my b-day. I mean, once you get pass that 2 year mark, 3 year mark, or 20 year mark, it's still the same for me. One day at a time, go to meetins, get connected with other men in the program, and live in the moment... among a whole bunch of other advice I am sure to be leaving out.
What is new with me... hmmm, let's see, I am going to Greece in about 3 weeks with my mum, that should be fun. I have never been to Asia or Europe, appearenty Istanbul is on the border, and that is where we are flying into, so I can say I have been to both! Should be fun, trying to stay in the moment about it, my mom invited my sister too, and I immediately found some negative stuff about that to think about.
After promptly talking to another alcoholic, I was relieved of my negative feelings towards the idea of my sister coming. You see, I knew that my thought processes were f'ed up, and as I was getting angry over this percieved threat to my serene vacation, I realized that I was getting angry and knew I had to call someone! Of course I steamed in my anger for about 2 minutes until the pain became unbearable and I just let it all out. After that, and asking for the willingness to accept things as they are, and getting grateful for the trip (come on, it's Greece, and it's paid for by mum!), my serenity was restored and was able to enjoy dinner with my friends!
It's good to have AA folks to talk to!
With that, I am off to sleep!
Jonathan
Today I am grateful...
For my chemistry teacher
My sister
My mom
My brother
My dad
The cats
Me
Sobriety
AA
And my friends
What is new with me... hmmm, let's see, I am going to Greece in about 3 weeks with my mum, that should be fun. I have never been to Asia or Europe, appearenty Istanbul is on the border, and that is where we are flying into, so I can say I have been to both! Should be fun, trying to stay in the moment about it, my mom invited my sister too, and I immediately found some negative stuff about that to think about.
After promptly talking to another alcoholic, I was relieved of my negative feelings towards the idea of my sister coming. You see, I knew that my thought processes were f'ed up, and as I was getting angry over this percieved threat to my serene vacation, I realized that I was getting angry and knew I had to call someone! Of course I steamed in my anger for about 2 minutes until the pain became unbearable and I just let it all out. After that, and asking for the willingness to accept things as they are, and getting grateful for the trip (come on, it's Greece, and it's paid for by mum!), my serenity was restored and was able to enjoy dinner with my friends!
It's good to have AA folks to talk to!
With that, I am off to sleep!
Jonathan
Today I am grateful...
For my chemistry teacher
My sister
My mom
My brother
My dad
The cats
Me
Sobriety
AA
And my friends
Monday, July 14, 2008
Attachment...
Interesting Buddhist concept.
I was just thinking about how attachment to objects, persons, and things leads to unhappiness. I think there is some correlation between AA and Buddhism. For instance, the whole expectations thing... like in how we expect others to behave. That is, an attachment. If we were not attached to that person in our mind, then we wouldn't have the expectation. So the whole expectation thing and getting rid of them, as it relates to personal relations, is just like the attachment thing in buddhism. You just stop being attached to things. Of course, that is easier said then done. Meditation, physically actually giving your things away, loving compassion towards all, skillful concentration... the list goes on.
I have been trying to practice some of these principles lately, and they really have been a help. Every night before bed I read more and more spiritual literature since my sponsor suggested it.
You know, I just love the concept that our desires are the foundations for attachment and suffering. It's like a catch 22. Deep... I guess the goal is to reach enlightenment... but not sure that will happen for me, although I think I can make some positive steps in that direction.
From... http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/attachment.html"To summarise: our own projections, selfish expectations and exaggerations are the foundations of attachment and the unavoidable disappointment.
We want to get love, rather than give love.
We seek understanding, rather than trying to understand.
We seek self-confidence, rather than respecting others.
We seek praise and encouragement, rather than giving praise and encouragement .
We don't like criticism, but like to criticise others. "
I was just thinking about how attachment to objects, persons, and things leads to unhappiness. I think there is some correlation between AA and Buddhism. For instance, the whole expectations thing... like in how we expect others to behave. That is, an attachment. If we were not attached to that person in our mind, then we wouldn't have the expectation. So the whole expectation thing and getting rid of them, as it relates to personal relations, is just like the attachment thing in buddhism. You just stop being attached to things. Of course, that is easier said then done. Meditation, physically actually giving your things away, loving compassion towards all, skillful concentration... the list goes on.
I have been trying to practice some of these principles lately, and they really have been a help. Every night before bed I read more and more spiritual literature since my sponsor suggested it.
You know, I just love the concept that our desires are the foundations for attachment and suffering. It's like a catch 22. Deep... I guess the goal is to reach enlightenment... but not sure that will happen for me, although I think I can make some positive steps in that direction.
From... http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/attachment.html"To summarise: our own projections, selfish expectations and exaggerations are the foundations of attachment and the unavoidable disappointment.
We want to get love, rather than give love.
We seek understanding, rather than trying to understand.
We seek self-confidence, rather than respecting others.
We seek praise and encouragement, rather than giving praise and encouragement .
We don't like criticism, but like to criticise others. "
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Ramblings... Day # 679
Life is good today. This is a picture I took while I was in New York City a month ago!!! NYC was on my list of things I need to go do before I die! So I went up there by myself, and wondered around the city! I went up to the Hospital in New Port Richey to shadow a doctor friend in the program. It went awesome. He is being a real big help to me as well. He said he would try to get me in to see some surgeries in the O.R.! I was scared at first, to actually call him and say "hey! Can I come hang out with you at your job?" But he was really cool about it, and you know, it turned out to be all right. No worries.
On top of that, I met with another guy who is an Oncologist, and he kinda gave me his experience over some coffee at the "bucks". I have been really busy over the last week with a couple family members in town... and of course the fourth of July week was there, and it all kind of ran together, and now I am just beat.
I am glad that it is Sunday night, and all of my friends have come over for another successful sober evening at my house. We watched "Shrooms" a scary "b" movie... based on doing shrooms in Ireland and some wierd stuff going down. Pretty cheezy... but hey, we are still super cool and we know it!
Ah, ummmm... called my mom this morning, she was still in bed at eleven A.M. and she said she would call me back, but she did not. I am worried about her. I think she is slipping into insanity... not sure if it includes alcohol or drugs or both, but I am worried none the less. But there is nothing I can do but be there if she REALLY truly asks for help... and stops living in denial.
My cats are truly beuatiful girls. I am happy to have them with me. I need to study, as chemistry is totally getting harder. So with that, I am off to finish my lab paper!
Today I am grateful to be sober, and ALIVE!
Jonathan
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tired...
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Wow, long day.
Basically hung out with my family over in Clearwater early on in the day, and then went straight to an AA get together at a friends house. Now I am back home and just kinda sleepy. Perhaps my body is saying: go to sleep!
I had a really good time today. It was great seeing everybody! Not too much drama to report either. Actually, the whole family got along pretty well. My little sister is in town from California, and she may stay with me for a few nights this week. I told her she could crash here if she got tired of my mom's house. Any how, still tired and feeling like sleep!
Lol
Maybe I will do that...
Jonathan
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Wow, long day.
Basically hung out with my family over in Clearwater early on in the day, and then went straight to an AA get together at a friends house. Now I am back home and just kinda sleepy. Perhaps my body is saying: go to sleep!
I had a really good time today. It was great seeing everybody! Not too much drama to report either. Actually, the whole family got along pretty well. My little sister is in town from California, and she may stay with me for a few nights this week. I told her she could crash here if she got tired of my mom's house. Any how, still tired and feeling like sleep!
Lol
Maybe I will do that...
Jonathan
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Hallo!
What is going on?! Hmmm... nothing much to complain about today. I went to a meeting at 5:45 pm, and then did my KA-RA-TAY... er... I mean; Tang So Do...
Quick update on the dating thingy-ma-bobby. Yea, so I wasn't sure if I was ready to actually date yet, so I told the girl I was seeing that I couldn't do it, date that is. Could not continue dating... just couldn't. I don't know, I feel overwhelmed with the whole thing... perhaps I was just not into her that much? I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I can really ever be ready for a relationship. I like my life the way it is right now, with no romantic interests. I like that. It's simple. Well, anywhoo, point is, I kinda sorta am leaning back toward the idea that I am just not ready to date yet.
Anywhooooo, had coffee with that same girl earlier tonight... I think we are doing the friends thing and just taking it from there. Whew! My cat just took a dump and the whole house stinks!! Haha! Wow, that was random. I think I will leave that line in there.
Lol
Jonathan
Quick update on the dating thingy-ma-bobby. Yea, so I wasn't sure if I was ready to actually date yet, so I told the girl I was seeing that I couldn't do it, date that is. Could not continue dating... just couldn't. I don't know, I feel overwhelmed with the whole thing... perhaps I was just not into her that much? I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I can really ever be ready for a relationship. I like my life the way it is right now, with no romantic interests. I like that. It's simple. Well, anywhoo, point is, I kinda sorta am leaning back toward the idea that I am just not ready to date yet.
Anywhooooo, had coffee with that same girl earlier tonight... I think we are doing the friends thing and just taking it from there. Whew! My cat just took a dump and the whole house stinks!! Haha! Wow, that was random. I think I will leave that line in there.
Lol
Jonathan
Friday, June 13, 2008
Awesome!
Is that how you spell awesome? Guess so... just did spell check!
Tonight, I am going to have dinner over at the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. That should be nice. I thought my mom would like to dress up and have a nice dinner to celebrate some stuff going on with our lives. Admittingly, I enjoy dressing up too, makes me feel good about myself.
I need to get some studying in, and am debating working out at the gym... My knee was giving me some problems the other day, felt like I was tearing a muscle lifting weights... I have this ligament that is all swollen into a ball, and when the muscle moves over it during a leg press, the ligament (I think) actually catches on the muscle and it could cause some major damage. So yea... maybe a doctor should be seen before I do more leg workouts...
I will be hitting the 8:15pm AA meeting over on Bayshore Blvd... and after that will most likely be hanging with some friends.
Today I am grateful and thankful for...
My family
friends
AA
My sponsor
life
school
daaaa cats
sobriety
Tonight, I am going to have dinner over at the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. That should be nice. I thought my mom would like to dress up and have a nice dinner to celebrate some stuff going on with our lives. Admittingly, I enjoy dressing up too, makes me feel good about myself.
I need to get some studying in, and am debating working out at the gym... My knee was giving me some problems the other day, felt like I was tearing a muscle lifting weights... I have this ligament that is all swollen into a ball, and when the muscle moves over it during a leg press, the ligament (I think) actually catches on the muscle and it could cause some major damage. So yea... maybe a doctor should be seen before I do more leg workouts...
I will be hitting the 8:15pm AA meeting over on Bayshore Blvd... and after that will most likely be hanging with some friends.
Today I am grateful and thankful for...
My family
friends
AA
My sponsor
life
school
daaaa cats
sobriety
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