I am back!

Well I am back from Baltimore! All went well, I am sooo still sober! And tired too, it is 12:30 in the morning, so I must be off to bed.

Here are some shots from my trip!

My brother, grand ma, and I...



My self portrait in front of the USS Constellation...


Me in front of the USS Torsk...

Day 109, oh yea!

I am going to be out of town from the 22nd to the 29th. I don't think I will have internet access. So everyone have a merry x-mas, and take care. I will be thinking about you!

Good news!

The oral doctor guy said I don't have a dry socket and that the pain is normal.

Any how, I am not going to be lazy anymore, slowly but surely I am getting back into the swing of things. I think today is the first day at work that my jaw isn't preoccupying my brain.

It's funny how in the past, I use to think I was not like you people, with my scattered thoughts and anxieties. Today I am grateful that I am learning to be happy with me as I am. For the longest time, I was a basket case, always thinking way to much. Because of AA, I don't think to much, and I am beginning to enjoy life. This Christmas will be the first sober christmas in a long time. Thank you for that!

I leave you with a poem from my favorite American pimp... ok not really a pimp.

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Eveningby Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Day 108 baby!

My lord, my mom just called and is talking to me about her ass-hole exhusband. It is very hard to listen to this. It is all about her and how her ex doesn't want her and only wants to hurt her. But, big surprise here, she has to go have dinner with him! Ha, to listen to him tell her how much he hates and despises her. To basically make her feel like shit. Um, hello, your getting a divorce, he hates you, why agree to meet him? She is hopeless.

Any how, through her whole schpeel, I basically say, "I am sure you will be ok" and "I am sure you will make the right choices".. and maybe one "If it were me, I would not have dinner with my ex."

Any how...


Today I am grateful:

That I don't have to drink today,
Or ever.
That I have a kick-ass job.
For my family
and friends
and kitty cats
and that damn pain in my jaw.

My kitty cat Hoshi got "tagged" by another kitty cat out there named Boots. Here is Hoshi's list, she typed it earlier this morning :)

1) I am long... my tail flops over my back and hangs in front of my head. I am a Maine Coon cat... hence my long body and tail.
2) I head-butt my human slave in the morning to get him out of bed... he just loves that!
3) I like to chase this little red dot that occasionally appears on the floor, walls, and ceiling. It's like it's really there but when I lunge at it, it disappears or moves real fast out of my way. Sometimes I wonder if it were just an illusion... Maybe this could be the mysterious laser creature the humans talk about?
4) I like to tackle my friend Keiko, she is twice my age, but I am twice her weight! She growls, hisses, and swipes her paw at me; I am sure because she loves me so much.
5) I think I am a dog, trapped in a cat's body, I will run to wherever my pet human goes just to be next to him.
6) I am the most softest, cutest, prettiest kitty cat alive!

Well, Hoshi typed that up, I swear... she's such a miss prissy. Any who, life is good. I am still struggling with the pain in my jaw, luckily tomorrow morning I get to go to the doctor for a follow up visit, and she will surely let me know if the pain is normal or not.

I need to get my ass to a meeting tonight, and try to get back into my normal routine as best I can. I am leaving on Friday to go to Baltimore for a week. I don't know if I am going to bring my laptop or not, but if you don't hear from me for a week, that is where I am. Not to worry, my family are not drinkers, and I think i am spiritually in a good place, so I do look forward to it.

Thursday night we have a big book study group meeting over at Jeff's house, so that will be essential, reporting in with all those guys before I leave. Jeff called yesterday, and that was a blessing, he just wanted to talk to get rid of some fear before doing part of his fourth step. That made me feel pretty darn good. Jeff has 19 years sober and is very spiritual, so when he calls to look for some inspiration from someone like me, that makes me feel good, ya know?

Well folks. That's all I got for today.

Peace...

Day 107

My wisdom tooth extraction has taken a bit of a toll on me over the last few days. Yesterday I tried to come in to the office, but left after an hour, went home, and slept all day per doctor's orders. The pain was so great...

The pain has gotten a little less, but it's still there today. It's kinda like a constant ache... plus my cheek is still poofed up a bit, but looks like it could be coming down. Work was not so bad today, so I am hopeful that tomorrow my pain will subside even more, and by this weekend hopefully I will be back to normal.

This thing has really thrown a wrench into "my plans". Originally, missing all of my AA meetings, Tang So Do, and work was disconcerting and made me feel like I was letting someone down. Really, the only person I was letting down was myself, by being negative about the pain in my jaw. Today, I am fine with it. I am happy with me as I am, and I am a good person. Sitting at home, nursing my jaw, is not fun, but I can enjoy it by reading, painting, and watching the boob tube. Most importantly, I will not let myself get me down.

Letting go pain... is that possible? Maybe I will try that today and turn one more thing over...

Today I am grateful for:

My job
My home
My cats
My family
My friends
AA
getting my wisdom tooth out

Day 104

Ok, DG was totally right, it definitely has taken a swipe at me today. My left cheek is getting sorer, and puffing up. The doctor called today to check on me, and said that it should get worst tomorrow and then level off.

I think the anesthetic hadn't completely worn off until this morning, then I felt all motion sick and pain in my cheek when I was out at panerra this morning. I got a bit nervous and hurried on home... where I am taking it easy per doctor's orders.

My mom wants to do Christmas over at the beach tomorrow, so we shall see how that goes. Maybe I will take some pics! Should be fun!

Any how, thanks for the love and support. I am so lucky to be sober.

My kitty cat Hoshi is sooo cute!

Day 103 accomplished

Ha, yea, so I went in this morning to do the wisdom tooth thing.

They stuck a needle in the back of my hand, and then put some monitors on me and then blind folded me, and then put some earphones on (the eagles, to drown out the sound of the saw), and then I can't remember what happened next! The next thing you know I went from "the eagles" to wide awake and numb in the cheek, sitting up straight... I was a bit loopy, but I thought it was totally crazy that one second I was about to go under, and the next I was sitting walking out to the car. Nuts! And my mouth doesn't hurt too bad! Gosh! Simple, dammit next time, I look forward to getting knocked out!

I think I macked on the nurse while I was there too... although that could have been the aneasthesia goggles talking :)

Heya, day number 103

I'd like to share about something I am going to be going through tomorrow, and it's kinda blowing my entire day, and maybe even the weekend....

I have to get my wisdom teeth ripped out tomorrow. Generally, I am not really worried about the pain and blood... but I am a little worried about having my weekend suck and also getting knocked out with an anaesthetic. I have never been "put to sleep" before, and I have no clue as to what to expect. I have been told by most people it is not a big deal, you go sleepy and wake up and it's cool... so why worry? Just nervous I guess.

The doctor says I should be sleeping all day tomorrow after my surgery, I am not looking forward to being a lazy ass on Friday and Saturday. I also don't want to feel bad about waking up and feeling "messed up" like I heard one girl share in a meeting once. She woke up from an operation and busted out crying because she felt like she relapsed.I can see where guilt can creep in and blow the whole thing way out of proportion... waking up and feeling groggy or what not, but I think if your spiritually fit, that shouldn't bother you. So thankfully, I am glad to be spiritually right up there today!

I do know that I have plenty of friends to check up on me, and numbers to call if my thinking gets out of whack.

But anyhow, that's what's going on in my life tomorrow.


Today I am grateful:

That my insurance covers ALL of my operation
That I am sober going into this
That it's sooo not a big deal
That I can finally get that damn tooth out that has worried me since I found out about it 10 years ago
My family
My mom
My brother and sister
My job, which I am totally procrastinating on today
AA
My sobriety
Oh yes, and my two little kitty cats ;)