Found another qoute I think is relavent to my sobriety. (I hope I am not breaking any copyright laws by posting this stuff!!)
From Page 40 in "A New Pair of Glasses" by Chuck C.
"But how do I know whether it's my will or His will? And that's a good question, and I have the simplest answer in the world for that, for me: If it's important to me personally, it's my will. If it is important to me personally, it is an ego satisfaction. If I am praying alright it is not something for me. It's that I might be of some value to you."
You know, it seems often in my sobriety I find myself asking this question... how do I know if what I am doing is God's will or my own? Generally, if I even have to ask this question, I probably already know the answer, usually it's my will because I think when I ask this I am doing something or going in a direction and want to know if it is ok... if this is my purpose. But I ask God for selfish reasons... therefor asking him for direction is actually the selfish act!
Mostly, it has to do with work or school... asking "Hey God, is this what you want me to do, or should I try something else out, go a different direction?" That statement in itself is selfish, and self seeking. As I am asking God wether this is job is ok for ME or if this class is right for ME. I I I I what is best for ME? If the question isn't "hey, what can I do for others that you would have me do?" then I am just living in my own self will.
So yea, hope that makes ome sorta sense. The point is that I am trying more and more to get out of my own will, and do the next right thing. This means not asking for what is best for me, but what is best for others and what I can do to pack more good into the stream of life.
J
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Working step 8
From Page 79 in the 12 and 12 (Step 8):
"Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, because we always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Our busines asociates didn't suffer, because we were usually on the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because we were certain few knew of our drinking. Those who did would sometimes asure us that, after all, a lively bender was only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore, had we done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend with a few casual apologies."
Earlier on in sobriety, I believed that I had hurt virtually nobody with my drinking... because I felt that I was a functioning alcoholic. I drank alone, and generally showed for work everyday. That is how I justified my reasoning, I was different than you all, I was a good responsible drunk!
Ha ha! How wrong I was! Even today I must watch out for this trap... thinking I didn't hurt too many people or act as bad or whatever... basically justifying a shorter list of persons I have harmed.
Today I am grateful for:
My kitty cats
My home
My AA friends
My family
Life
God
Sobriety
"Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, because we always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Our busines asociates didn't suffer, because we were usually on the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because we were certain few knew of our drinking. Those who did would sometimes asure us that, after all, a lively bender was only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore, had we done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend with a few casual apologies."
Earlier on in sobriety, I believed that I had hurt virtually nobody with my drinking... because I felt that I was a functioning alcoholic. I drank alone, and generally showed for work everyday. That is how I justified my reasoning, I was different than you all, I was a good responsible drunk!
Ha ha! How wrong I was! Even today I must watch out for this trap... thinking I didn't hurt too many people or act as bad or whatever... basically justifying a shorter list of persons I have harmed.
Today I am grateful for:
My kitty cats
My home
My AA friends
My family
Life
God
Sobriety
Sunday, November 4, 2007
From "A new pair of glasses"
Page 25 from A New Pair of Glass by Chuck C.
"So I want us to have a lot of fun this weekend. Don't be too serious. You know, Rule 62. Some people put it on their license plates. Rule 62. It's a good rule. There's a litle green book, and on the front cover it says, "Rule 62". And you open it up, and every page in the book is naked, except the double-truck in the middle. And it says, "don't take yourself so goddamned seriously!" And that's what we want to do here this weekend; have a lot of fun, not get too serious, but realize the problem that we have that we cannot handle on our own. And to come to see totally before this weekend is over that what I can't do, we can do, with the Grace of God."
I love that one... especially the last few words.
I am off to a meeting, going to go get the "we" part.
Peace
Jonathan.
"So I want us to have a lot of fun this weekend. Don't be too serious. You know, Rule 62. Some people put it on their license plates. Rule 62. It's a good rule. There's a litle green book, and on the front cover it says, "Rule 62". And you open it up, and every page in the book is naked, except the double-truck in the middle. And it says, "don't take yourself so goddamned seriously!" And that's what we want to do here this weekend; have a lot of fun, not get too serious, but realize the problem that we have that we cannot handle on our own. And to come to see totally before this weekend is over that what I can't do, we can do, with the Grace of God."
I love that one... especially the last few words.
I am off to a meeting, going to go get the "we" part.
Peace
Jonathan.
wholly molly
If you can believe it, I am typing this from my blackberry... Totally cool.
Today I am grateful for;
The beautiful weather
My family
My friends
AA
The meetings from this weekend
Sobriety
Being a sober alcoholic.
My cats
My home
My friends
The colts...
Today I am grateful for;
The beautiful weather
My family
My friends
AA
The meetings from this weekend
Sobriety
Being a sober alcoholic.
My cats
My home
My friends
The colts...
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Today I am grateful for...
1) Tampa AA
2) My sponsor
3) Friends in AA
4) Florida weather
5) My family
6) My cats
7) Life... I am so alive!
8) Did I mention AA?
9) The opportunity to go back to school!
10) This gift of sobriety!
2) My sponsor
3) Friends in AA
4) Florida weather
5) My family
6) My cats
7) Life... I am so alive!
8) Did I mention AA?
9) The opportunity to go back to school!
10) This gift of sobriety!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Step eight - Big Book
In the book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says on page 76 (in my 4th edition version):
"Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead". Lets look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We atempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."
This is the step I am on... and I must admit I am resting on my laurels. My sponsor wants me to make a list of all the people I have harmed in the past, yet I seem to notbe finding the time to do so in all of my unemployed glory.
I go to meetings, sometimes 2 a day, generally 5 - 7 a week. This has been the case from the very beginning, and am very happy going to meetings. For me, going to meetings, hanging out with AA people, having dinner with sober friends, and service work are all the corner stone of my sobriety.
Working the steps is and has been important to my sobriety, as it should be. I have been told that the real growth comes from working these steps, every day of our lives. I believe that, and try my very best to apply the steps to my real world problems. So when it comes to working them with my sponsor and getting through the initial 12 steps for the first time, I seem to get hung up on the big ones, steps 4 and 5, and steps 8 and 9.
Fear, sloth, self importance... I think these character defects are hampering my progress. So... I should probably work step 7 harder, as I go through these next few steps:
"I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulnes to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding."
So there we have it. I shall also pray for the willingness to be willing, and get off my butt and work these steps!
My sobriety depends on it.
Jonathan
"Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead". Lets look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We atempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."
This is the step I am on... and I must admit I am resting on my laurels. My sponsor wants me to make a list of all the people I have harmed in the past, yet I seem to notbe finding the time to do so in all of my unemployed glory.
I go to meetings, sometimes 2 a day, generally 5 - 7 a week. This has been the case from the very beginning, and am very happy going to meetings. For me, going to meetings, hanging out with AA people, having dinner with sober friends, and service work are all the corner stone of my sobriety.
Working the steps is and has been important to my sobriety, as it should be. I have been told that the real growth comes from working these steps, every day of our lives. I believe that, and try my very best to apply the steps to my real world problems. So when it comes to working them with my sponsor and getting through the initial 12 steps for the first time, I seem to get hung up on the big ones, steps 4 and 5, and steps 8 and 9.
Fear, sloth, self importance... I think these character defects are hampering my progress. So... I should probably work step 7 harder, as I go through these next few steps:
"I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulnes to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding."
So there we have it. I shall also pray for the willingness to be willing, and get off my butt and work these steps!
My sobriety depends on it.
Jonathan
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
1 Year and 2 Months!
Hey folks!
Yes, I am still sober!
So what is new with me? Nothing much... seems to be a common thing lately. So let's catch up... here is what's happening with me.. or happened anyways. I'd like to get back into blogging. So here goes my story since my last post:
I quit the job 3 months ago, and allowed my self to be pulled into another job, helping a friend with his lawn care service..Unfortunately, I agreed to help out this person for 40 hours a week for many weeks, with minimal pay. I say that, because it seems like I get the thought in my head that I am going to do something (go to school) and then I feel bad about letting someone down (my friend who relied on me for his lawn care service, and only asked me because he tends to be in fear about hiring people he doesn't know), and I end up not doing what I wanted to do because I get preoccupied doing the other thing.
KK, long paragraph and probably confusing... but the gist of it is that I missed the school sign up deadlines for this fall, and the lawn care thing started to taper off as the season turned to winter... so now I am back to unemployed, and no school.
Don't get me wrong. I am totally grateful for the lawn care experience, I had fun, it was a great workout, and I now have a huge respect for the type of work my friend does... hell I could even do my own lawn care business if I wanted to... maybe when I retire, today I have some dreams I'd like to try out first!
That dream, which still hasn't changed, was to go back to school! So, I signed up yesterday, and today I am going in to talk to a councilor about the classes and all that jazz. Funny thing, it seems I keep getting side tracked by people asking me to help them out in this business or that, my friend J. called this morning and wanted me to help him with his business... the answer for him is no, because this Alcoholic is done doing other people's will.
I think I am a bit codependent... it seems I want to please everyone, but forget about what it is I want....
And that brings me to another topic, how do I know when what I want is what god wants?
That is my question for you today, and any thoughts would be appreciated... I have the chance to go to school again, yet am scared to take the plunge and worried one day I will wake up and God will say "Wrong again!".
LOL!
Fun stuff.
Jonathan
Yes, I am still sober!
So what is new with me? Nothing much... seems to be a common thing lately. So let's catch up... here is what's happening with me.. or happened anyways. I'd like to get back into blogging. So here goes my story since my last post:
I quit the job 3 months ago, and allowed my self to be pulled into another job, helping a friend with his lawn care service..Unfortunately, I agreed to help out this person for 40 hours a week for many weeks, with minimal pay. I say that, because it seems like I get the thought in my head that I am going to do something (go to school) and then I feel bad about letting someone down (my friend who relied on me for his lawn care service, and only asked me because he tends to be in fear about hiring people he doesn't know), and I end up not doing what I wanted to do because I get preoccupied doing the other thing.
KK, long paragraph and probably confusing... but the gist of it is that I missed the school sign up deadlines for this fall, and the lawn care thing started to taper off as the season turned to winter... so now I am back to unemployed, and no school.
Don't get me wrong. I am totally grateful for the lawn care experience, I had fun, it was a great workout, and I now have a huge respect for the type of work my friend does... hell I could even do my own lawn care business if I wanted to... maybe when I retire, today I have some dreams I'd like to try out first!
That dream, which still hasn't changed, was to go back to school! So, I signed up yesterday, and today I am going in to talk to a councilor about the classes and all that jazz. Funny thing, it seems I keep getting side tracked by people asking me to help them out in this business or that, my friend J. called this morning and wanted me to help him with his business... the answer for him is no, because this Alcoholic is done doing other people's will.
I think I am a bit codependent... it seems I want to please everyone, but forget about what it is I want....
And that brings me to another topic, how do I know when what I want is what god wants?
That is my question for you today, and any thoughts would be appreciated... I have the chance to go to school again, yet am scared to take the plunge and worried one day I will wake up and God will say "Wrong again!".
LOL!
Fun stuff.
Jonathan
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