I hate being away from home, I always feel like I am missing out on everything... It's like, say there is a single girl you like. You go away for a week and come back, but lo! She is taken by the time you have returned! Oh man, that sucks. That's kinda how I feel about traveling. I love traveling, but hate missing out on the social opportunities back home in Tampa. I feel like I am missing that one chance to say what is on my mind or that one opportunity in that one place in time that will only come once yet could be missed and gone forever I can dream can't I? I am such a dreamer... ;)
Lovely... dreaming that is.
So... let's dream of a simpler time... in Ireland perhaps!
William Butler Yeats:
I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.
I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
And acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today...
It is really. Acceptance of where I am and who I am. I have a goal I am working towards; Medical School. I should not be freaked out by a possible "B" in organic chemistry. I need to accept that good doctors don't always do well in archaic classes that have little to do with medicine.
A friend of mine once said that he knows many great doctors that didn't get an A in organic chemistry... I am thinking that may be me! For a few days there I think I was going into "contingency mode"... thinking of all the possible outcomes of what may happen in the future. Basically, projecting like a typical alcoholic. I am back into acceptance. I went to an AA meeting last night with my step-mom's sister here in California. She is new to the program and has 3 months clean from Methanphenamines.
When I walked into that meeting last night I was just absolutely amazed at how at home I felt. I knew that if and when I ever decide to move somewhere, that I would always have a home and family in these rooms. I didn't know what to expect at the meeting. You know what I found? It was exactly the same. I saw all of the same characters that I usually see. I immediatly could pick out those people I would connect with. I saw friends there. I saw family. I saw that I could be of service here as I could anywhere, and it didn't really matter where I was in the world.
So I got out of my selfish self, my insanity, my self-loathing, my self centeredness, my disease. I got out of it and it felt good. I realized that God is providing and that I am doing the foot work. Life throw's up it's road blocks, and I can keep on going, one step at a time; around each one as long as I keep my hand in my HP's hand. There is nothing to worry about. Life is good. Just reach out and ask for help. Just be there, be present, and accept the way things are.
Today I am grateful and thankful
Jonathan
A friend of mine once said that he knows many great doctors that didn't get an A in organic chemistry... I am thinking that may be me! For a few days there I think I was going into "contingency mode"... thinking of all the possible outcomes of what may happen in the future. Basically, projecting like a typical alcoholic. I am back into acceptance. I went to an AA meeting last night with my step-mom's sister here in California. She is new to the program and has 3 months clean from Methanphenamines.
When I walked into that meeting last night I was just absolutely amazed at how at home I felt. I knew that if and when I ever decide to move somewhere, that I would always have a home and family in these rooms. I didn't know what to expect at the meeting. You know what I found? It was exactly the same. I saw all of the same characters that I usually see. I immediatly could pick out those people I would connect with. I saw friends there. I saw family. I saw that I could be of service here as I could anywhere, and it didn't really matter where I was in the world.
So I got out of my selfish self, my insanity, my self-loathing, my self centeredness, my disease. I got out of it and it felt good. I realized that God is providing and that I am doing the foot work. Life throw's up it's road blocks, and I can keep on going, one step at a time; around each one as long as I keep my hand in my HP's hand. There is nothing to worry about. Life is good. Just reach out and ask for help. Just be there, be present, and accept the way things are.
Today I am grateful and thankful
Jonathan
Friday, November 28, 2008
Jonathan is pissed...
His text messaging was turned off for the last 4 days... so every message I sent I never got a reply, and was like "why isn't anyone responding??".
So yea, if you texted me in the last few days.... I did not recieve it! Sorry about that!
Jonathan
So yea, if you texted me in the last few days.... I did not recieve it! Sorry about that!
Jonathan
Black Friday!
I just saw on the news that a man was trampled to death at a Walmart in New York. How unfortunate... I don't think I'd like to go that way, run over by a mob of people looking for cheap deals at Wal-Mart! Ha, it's almost funny... yet soo sad too.
Can't think of much to type today. I am in California and have 2 more days here. I look forward to going home. I miss my cats and friends. Still feeling the desire to move away from Tampa, I guess that moment will come soon enough with Graduate School. I think moving will suck. I do not look forward to making new friends and going somewhere new. But, I think, isn't that a good thing too? An opportunity to face our fears and surpass them?? If I stay in fear of moving and never leave to try new things, is that not me living in fear? Noone should live in fear. I just read a cool little book called "How starbucks saved my life". He talks alot about doing whats in your heart, and just going for it. He spent 60 years in this privilaged lifestyle, yet did not find true happiness until he lost everything and found happiness without ever realizing that it could be found, or that his life could ever be profoundly different than what it was before.
Any whoo... rambling.
Gotta hang out with the step-family today and go to the County Fair! Fun Stuff!!!
Jonathan
Can't think of much to type today. I am in California and have 2 more days here. I look forward to going home. I miss my cats and friends. Still feeling the desire to move away from Tampa, I guess that moment will come soon enough with Graduate School. I think moving will suck. I do not look forward to making new friends and going somewhere new. But, I think, isn't that a good thing too? An opportunity to face our fears and surpass them?? If I stay in fear of moving and never leave to try new things, is that not me living in fear? Noone should live in fear. I just read a cool little book called "How starbucks saved my life". He talks alot about doing whats in your heart, and just going for it. He spent 60 years in this privilaged lifestyle, yet did not find true happiness until he lost everything and found happiness without ever realizing that it could be found, or that his life could ever be profoundly different than what it was before.
Any whoo... rambling.
Gotta hang out with the step-family today and go to the County Fair! Fun Stuff!!!
Jonathan
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Shawshank Redemption
I love that movie by the way. So memorable, such a good story... morally and uplifting. Here are some qoutes that moved me:
Get busy living, or get busy dieing.
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.
Today I am grateful and thankful
Jonathan
Get busy living, or get busy dieing.
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.
Today I am grateful and thankful
Jonathan
Thank You Samuel Adams!
Samuel Adams' Thanksgiving
Another article from the WSJ:
In 1778, a Thanksgiving resolution drafted by [Samuel] Adams was approved by Congress on Nov. 3, setting aside Wednesday, Dec. 30, as a day of public thanksgiving and praise, "It having pleased Almighty God through the Course of the present year, to bestow great and manifold Mercies on the People of these United States."
After the Revolution, Adams, who was eventually elected governor of Massachusetts, maintained the practice of declaring these holidays. In October of 1795, the 73-year-old governor proclaimed Thursday, Nov. 19, as "a day of Public Thanksgiving to God," recommending that prayer be offered that God "would graciously be pleased to put an end to all Tyranny and Usurpation, that the People who are under the Yoke of Oppression, may be made free; and that the Nations who are contending for freedom may still be secured by His Almighty Aid."
A year later, Gov. Adams offered a similar Thanksgiving proclamation, declaring Thursday, Dec. 15, 1796, as "a Day of Public Thanksgiving and Praise to Our Divine Benefactor." He recommended "earnest Supplication to God" that "every Nation and Society of Men may be inspired with the knowledge and feeling of their natural and just rights" and "That Tyranny and Usurpation may everywhere come to an end."
Amen.
I am not sure how many people will actually read that whole thing, but I think it is a nice little article. I read it on the airplane yesterday and thought... "hmmm, I should post that one too!".
I love to read, I love to learn, I love this Country, and I love reading about our history! Are we not the most fortunate people on the planet?? I hope you think so, if you are a citizen of any Western Country... especially the US of A!
On another note, being out in the Mountains in California, I have been doing some thinking! Great, right? I was thinking that it would be really neat to move out west for school. I know, it's crazy right? Why not? Why do we live in Tampa anyways?? Nice weather... I like the people I have met, but why am I still there when there are other places I have always wanted to live in, yet haven't done so yet because I am such a co-dependant ass? I am thinking... yes thinking... Perhaps it is time to cut the bonds and head out into the great wild west... perhaps not. I just love it out here, the mountains specifically... I have always wanted to live near them or in them...
I was just thinking out loud there...
Any how, maybe I am just freaked out by finals coming up... feeling stressed and alone. Self pity was creeping in there, to be honest, yesterday and today. I don't know what it is... I think I feel like a failure and rejected on a couple of different levels. I am attracted to someone I don't think is remotely interested in me, failure to perform to my standards in school... B vs A, and guilty for asking the old Mum for money.
Good thing I have AA and my higher power to get me through it all. You know, I just wanna do the next right thing. I think maybe my expectations are way to high and I am trying to control everything too much... maybe I should stop thinking and go to a meeting! That usually helps... :)
Speak of the Devil, my Step-Aunt has 3 months sober and just asked me to join her to go to a meeting! Fun!
Today I am grateful and thankful!
Jonathan
Another article from the WSJ:
In 1778, a Thanksgiving resolution drafted by [Samuel] Adams was approved by Congress on Nov. 3, setting aside Wednesday, Dec. 30, as a day of public thanksgiving and praise, "It having pleased Almighty God through the Course of the present year, to bestow great and manifold Mercies on the People of these United States."
After the Revolution, Adams, who was eventually elected governor of Massachusetts, maintained the practice of declaring these holidays. In October of 1795, the 73-year-old governor proclaimed Thursday, Nov. 19, as "a day of Public Thanksgiving to God," recommending that prayer be offered that God "would graciously be pleased to put an end to all Tyranny and Usurpation, that the People who are under the Yoke of Oppression, may be made free; and that the Nations who are contending for freedom may still be secured by His Almighty Aid."
A year later, Gov. Adams offered a similar Thanksgiving proclamation, declaring Thursday, Dec. 15, 1796, as "a Day of Public Thanksgiving and Praise to Our Divine Benefactor." He recommended "earnest Supplication to God" that "every Nation and Society of Men may be inspired with the knowledge and feeling of their natural and just rights" and "That Tyranny and Usurpation may everywhere come to an end."
Amen.
I am not sure how many people will actually read that whole thing, but I think it is a nice little article. I read it on the airplane yesterday and thought... "hmmm, I should post that one too!".
I love to read, I love to learn, I love this Country, and I love reading about our history! Are we not the most fortunate people on the planet?? I hope you think so, if you are a citizen of any Western Country... especially the US of A!
On another note, being out in the Mountains in California, I have been doing some thinking! Great, right? I was thinking that it would be really neat to move out west for school. I know, it's crazy right? Why not? Why do we live in Tampa anyways?? Nice weather... I like the people I have met, but why am I still there when there are other places I have always wanted to live in, yet haven't done so yet because I am such a co-dependant ass? I am thinking... yes thinking... Perhaps it is time to cut the bonds and head out into the great wild west... perhaps not. I just love it out here, the mountains specifically... I have always wanted to live near them or in them...
I was just thinking out loud there...
Any how, maybe I am just freaked out by finals coming up... feeling stressed and alone. Self pity was creeping in there, to be honest, yesterday and today. I don't know what it is... I think I feel like a failure and rejected on a couple of different levels. I am attracted to someone I don't think is remotely interested in me, failure to perform to my standards in school... B vs A, and guilty for asking the old Mum for money.
Good thing I have AA and my higher power to get me through it all. You know, I just wanna do the next right thing. I think maybe my expectations are way to high and I am trying to control everything too much... maybe I should stop thinking and go to a meeting! That usually helps... :)
Speak of the Devil, my Step-Aunt has 3 months sober and just asked me to join her to go to a meeting! Fun!
Today I am grateful and thankful!
Jonathan
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving yall... in spirit of the holiday, I am totally gonna plagarize the Wall Street Journal and post their yearly article here... although because it is from a historical document, that's probably not plagarizing anywhoo...
The Desolate Wilderness
Nathaniel Morton describes what he and other Pilgrims saw in 1620.
Here beginneth the chronicle of those memorable circumstances of the year 1620, as recorded by Nathaniel Morton, keeper of the records of Plymouth Colony, based on the account of William Bradford, sometime governor thereof:
So they left that goodly and pleasant city of Leyden, which had been their resting-place for above eleven years, but they knew that they were pilgrims and strangers here below, and looked not much on these things, but lifted up their eyes to Heaven, their dearest country, where God hath prepared for them a city (Heb. XI, 16), and therein quieted their spirits.
When they came to Delfs-Haven they found the ship and all things ready, and such of their friends as could not come with them followed after them, and sundry came from Amsterdam to see them shipt, and to take their leaves of them. One night was spent with little sleep with the most, but with friendly entertainment and Christian discourse, and other real expressions of true Christian love.
The next day they went on board, and their friends with them, where truly doleful was the sight of that sad and mournful parting, to hear what sighs and sobs and prayers did sound amongst them; what tears did gush from every eye, and pithy speeches pierced each other's heart, that sundry of the Dutch strangers that stood on the Key as spectators could not refrain from tears. But the tide (which stays for no man) calling them away, that were thus loath to depart, their Reverend Pastor, falling down on his knees, and they all with him, with watery cheeks commended them with the most fervent prayers unto the Lord and His blessing; and then with mutual embraces and many tears they took their leaves one of another, which proved to be the last leave to many of them.
Being now passed the vast ocean, and a sea of troubles before them in expectations, they had now no friends to welcome them, no inns to entertain or refresh them, no houses, or much less towns, to repair unto to seek for succour; and for the season it was winter, and they that know the winters of the country know them to be sharp and violent, subject to cruel and fierce storms, dangerous to travel to known places, much more to search unknown coasts.
Besides, what could they see but a hideous and desolate wilderness, full of wilde beasts and wilde men? and what multitudes of them there were, they then knew not: for which way soever they turned their eyes (save upward to Heaven) they could have but little solace or content in respect of any outward object; for summer being ended, all things stand in appearance with a weatherbeaten face, and the whole country, full of woods and thickets, represented a wild and savage hew.
If they looked behind them, there was a mighty ocean which they had passed, and was now as a main bar or gulph to separate them from all the civil parts of the world.
The Desolate Wilderness
Nathaniel Morton describes what he and other Pilgrims saw in 1620.
Here beginneth the chronicle of those memorable circumstances of the year 1620, as recorded by Nathaniel Morton, keeper of the records of Plymouth Colony, based on the account of William Bradford, sometime governor thereof:
So they left that goodly and pleasant city of Leyden, which had been their resting-place for above eleven years, but they knew that they were pilgrims and strangers here below, and looked not much on these things, but lifted up their eyes to Heaven, their dearest country, where God hath prepared for them a city (Heb. XI, 16), and therein quieted their spirits.
When they came to Delfs-Haven they found the ship and all things ready, and such of their friends as could not come with them followed after them, and sundry came from Amsterdam to see them shipt, and to take their leaves of them. One night was spent with little sleep with the most, but with friendly entertainment and Christian discourse, and other real expressions of true Christian love.
The next day they went on board, and their friends with them, where truly doleful was the sight of that sad and mournful parting, to hear what sighs and sobs and prayers did sound amongst them; what tears did gush from every eye, and pithy speeches pierced each other's heart, that sundry of the Dutch strangers that stood on the Key as spectators could not refrain from tears. But the tide (which stays for no man) calling them away, that were thus loath to depart, their Reverend Pastor, falling down on his knees, and they all with him, with watery cheeks commended them with the most fervent prayers unto the Lord and His blessing; and then with mutual embraces and many tears they took their leaves one of another, which proved to be the last leave to many of them.
Being now passed the vast ocean, and a sea of troubles before them in expectations, they had now no friends to welcome them, no inns to entertain or refresh them, no houses, or much less towns, to repair unto to seek for succour; and for the season it was winter, and they that know the winters of the country know them to be sharp and violent, subject to cruel and fierce storms, dangerous to travel to known places, much more to search unknown coasts.
Besides, what could they see but a hideous and desolate wilderness, full of wilde beasts and wilde men? and what multitudes of them there were, they then knew not: for which way soever they turned their eyes (save upward to Heaven) they could have but little solace or content in respect of any outward object; for summer being ended, all things stand in appearance with a weatherbeaten face, and the whole country, full of woods and thickets, represented a wild and savage hew.
If they looked behind them, there was a mighty ocean which they had passed, and was now as a main bar or gulph to separate them from all the civil parts of the world.
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