Pivot

Just took the MCAT. I do not want to dwell on it, and such is the reason for my post today. This is the last I plan on mentioning it until I get my scores (1 month!). I feel that I did well on it, but naturally I am in my mind obsessing over questions, second guessing, and even confirming wrong answer choices that I made! This is classic pre-med behavior... and classic alcoholic behavior too! So... I hid all my study material, and am eliminating all possible reminders of the test. Hopefully not too many folks will ask how I did or what not, cause it makes me think about it!

When doubts creep in I shall remember:

To pivot away from the bar and towards the here and now. Turn over all the doubts and fears and live in the present. I felt really good and confident while I took the exam. I will get a good score!

End of story. Check back in a month and we shall see how I did!

Jonathan

I feel...

Slightly stressed.

With so much going on upstairs... I made a list to get it all off of my mind and am now gonna do something about it. But, naturally I am not a hundred percent A.O.K., I need to let go of my expectations with regard to medical school. I feel some fear creeping in... "Im not good enough" "not doing enough" "not trying hard enough" etc....

I think I'd like to take a break today from the world, and maybe go see a movie by my self here in the next few hours.... perhaps I will. Any whoo, that's what is going on with me today. I think there is some emotional hangover from the family attempting to include me in their drama yesterday. Never a good thing....

Today I am grateful to be sober!

Peace!

Jonathan

MCAT study days...

And so begins the month long ordeal we shall come to know as... MCAT hell! Ha ha ha! Just kidding, it is not really that bad... or is it? I just got my OOficial guide to the MCAT from the AAMC. Basically only 400 pages of pure MCAT knowledge. This little guide I could easily complete in one day, if that tells you anything about the amount of reading and problems I do daily. I have all these books that are literally about half a foot thick when added up together. They encompass my soul.

So I got done with Biochemistry the other day. I ended up getting an AB, which is a 3.5 out of 4 on the 4 point scale. Appearently our school does not do A- or B+, so the AB is like in-between them. Which is fine by me... I am totally cool with the AB. It was by far the hardest class I have ever taken and completed in 6 weeks. Jack and I had the highest grades in the class. This one guy who went to school in Georgia and was here for the summer, TOTALLY failed the class (who by the way acted like he was soooo smart on account he went to an ivy league school). The dude was always talking about how his school was sooooooooooo much harder then normal schools. Appearently it was hard to him because he was a moron, obviously.

The guy from USF did about the same as the guy from Georgia. Except the guy from USF said USF's classes were a total joke compared to our classes at UT. The girl from UF got a B and the girl from UT got a C. So I guess it really doesn't matter where you go to school, IMHO. It's what you make of it and if you can handle the material...

End Rant

I am going to go on amazon right now and buy about 10 different fiction books that I need to add to my library. Basically all sci/fi or fantasy type books which are part of series that I have been reading... I am about done with the 7th book in the Sword of Truth series and need the next one asap! Any whoooo... good to be alive today ya?

Peace...

Jonathan

What I would do...

Oh what I would do. I would do anything to have normal lower extremities which do not hamper my attempts at running. I can go for about a mile and half and then my legs just hurt too much. I blame my lower portion of my legs... that bone below the knees...

I feel so good after a good run, yet its not really a good run! I have to go slow cause my legs can't take the pounding they use to... I go slow but the heart still races to some extent and I feel like a million dollars when I look up at the trees reflecting the lamp light... with darkness surrounding... and music filling my mind... such a good feeling. Every thing becomes clearer...

So... a good day. Let me tell you about it. I woke up at 7:30am, went to a local church and helped feed the homeless until 10:30am. Then I went to the book store and studied until 12:30. Then I went to the gym and lifted weights until 1:30ish, I called my dad in-route and said "happy fathers day". I then went to subway and ate until 2:00 at which point I went to Starbucks and resumed studying... until 4:00, when I went to the grocery, and bought 30 eggs and scrapple. I had about 9 people over for dinner at 5:00pm, we cooked out and had break feast for dinner, and then watched a movie at 6:30pm until l 8:30...

Everybody left, and I went for a run for about a half hour... covered 3 miles and just chilled out... took in the evening and experienced the thrill of my heart racing... I do like that...

Now I am here... and will probably do some studying... maybe an hour of it, and then I am off to bed. The whole point is... I had such a full day and am sober!

Good times...

Jonathan

Hmmm...

Well now, been a few weeks since my last post. I have been super busy with school as of late and am feeling quite bogged down with my studies. I have about a month and a half until I have to take the MCAT and about 2 weeks until biochemistry is over.

I am handling it quite well. I have to surrender often, throw up my hands and say "I can't do it! Not now, go relax... let it go!" Haha... it is good, really. I guess I am sorta concerned about the MCAT... but am sure it will alright. People seem to really have this idea that I am really smart and am going to blow it out of the water. My one professor thinks I am gonna score high enough that he suggests I apply to the top 20 medical schools... ya... hmmm... lets hold off on that and just see how I do eh!?

Any whooo... tired. Life is good today, my cats are beautiful, I have a nice roomy, sobriety is AWESOME, and there is nothing to complain about.

Much love

Jonathan

Hello again my friend hello

Not much in the way of anything new and exciting to report. Although the semester is over, and I most assuredly will recieve a 4.0, I still manage to find the time to stress out about learning! Whats new to me is learning how best to study for the MCAT. I feel stressed as I go through the material myself. I know, or atleast think, I am doing the best I can... and that I will get a good score based on my effort... but its weird, because the test encompasses so much information... and in one sit down study session, you can only really review a small portion of that information.

The test is broken into 3 sections including verbal reasoning, physics, chemistry, organic chemistry and biology. I have study material for each subject... basically 5 different subjects, each with 10 sections. Each section can be gotten through once by reading and writing the info into notecards within 3 hours. So that is 50 sections at about 150 hours! My plan so far has been to hit the bio hard, and generally review the easy stuff (everything else) by reading the sections and doing the quizes and tests.

What is odd, and interesting, is feeling stressed after a day of studying. It's not like normal stress, cause in school, you know you have this test tomorrow and it just covers this amount of info.... with this, its not over, you just gotta keep on studying, day in and day out and stay on schedule. It feels good to write about this... I could feel the cortisol levels rising earlier today ;)

Now all is good, I think I will take a bath and relax... I am leaving for Baltimore on Thursayd... I will be gone for a few days... I will probably bring the computer along for the ride.

Much love

Jonathan

Hello again...

Sorry to drop off the face of the planet like that... the last few weeks have been extremely busy! I have finally gotten done with finals for the semester. Now I get to take biochemistry over the summer, be a lab assistant, and study for the August MCAT.

Good times. I have actually already begun studying for the MCAT. Today I went and bought a crap ton of note cards as that seems to be the best way for me to get all the body systems memorized... We shall see how it goes. I have given myself one week to complete the biology review section.

I am going to Baltimore on Thursday to visit my grandparents. Yeup, going home! I love staying at my dad's parents house... very comforting. It's the only place that has NOT changed my entire life. They still live in the same house, and I still sleep on the same couch every time I go... it is such a blessing to have them still here on this earth... I know they are getting old and pretty much are ready to go anytime... but I will miss them :(

Which is why I make the time and just go veg-out at their house for a few days... litterally... I won't leave their house! HAha...

Oh well... not much else to report.

Good to be sober today... one day at a time. I am going to the Bayshore meeting tonight...

Peace

Jonathan