So I met with my psychologist....

So I met with my psychologist....

Last night, and during the day, I got soooo depressed at work. Like horribly depressed. I almost felt like crying. When my mom called me during lunch, I snapped at her and had to call her back to apologize for telling her I felt like putting a bullet in my head. (seriously, I meant it as a mediphor...) Any how, she knows about my drinking, so she thought I was serious. Well, I continued to feel like shit, even after talking to people in AA. So I met with my mom for some dinner in the evening, and it felt good just to be out of the office. She said something about her psychologist, and I realized that I wanted to go talk to him. So I went.

He pretty much helped me out. I wanted to set there and rant and rave and unload all of the shit going on in my head, and see if he could fix me. Well ok, I realize there is no quick fix for me. But he did talk some sense into me. One thing I really wanted help with, was the work thing. I have been on here for months telling people about how I am not happy at work and stuff... and I think this guy may be able to help. He actually scratched the surface yesterday and I think we may have figured out why I am acting the way I do at work. The gist of it is that 90% of the way I feel and do things, is how I react. Knowing that, apparently I reacted very negatively to some changes in the office. New team members coming on board and me feeling in adequate led to me perceiving this threat, and then I pretty much just stopped working hard. Make sense? Well, it did last night, and I am sure I am leaving stuff out. But bottom line is that I need to get happy with me, and my psycho dude told me I should just go to work, and make a schedule of what I want to do for each day. That way, rather than obsessing over BS like... new jobs, the news, video games, and the like.... I will actually learn to have a plan each day, and eventually it should become habit. Easier said then done. But it's a start. So today, like right now, I am going to look at my 8 hour day, and make a plan. Then I will stick to it. It should help me feel like I am actually doing something!!! That also was part of my problem... feelings of uselessness and stuff. My boss thinks I am useful, so it's time to actually be useful.
Peace....