Heya there folks!
I got rid of the computer game... will let you know how that effects my thinking. So far, I feel pretty good about it!
Today I feel depressed. Honestly, almost sad. I am sitting here at my desk, and I just hate my self for being here. I can not let go the fact that I don't believe this job is the right one for me. I don't care that I only have a couple days sober... Someone told me yesterday at a meeting "No big changes in the first year". My answer to that is "What if I really hate my job?" Well, I don't hate my job really... its more along the lines of: I got into this job because I did what my parents wanted me to do. Not what I wanted to do. The thing is, I can not just quit, I have toooooo many bills and such. So literally I would need to find a new job before I leave this one. Or.... I could go back to school, and get a degree in something I trully enjoy. Before, I went to college and got a degree in something only because I thought that was where the money was... and I hated school. So maybe school aint a good idea... already have a degree, so what I am thinking, is that I should find a new job, something I enjoy. I think I would enjoy anything that is not behind a damn computer screen all day... as is my current position and last position I was in. I hated both of em.
Last November I was going to become a school teacher, but took this job for the $$$. I am thinking that I made a mistake, and that I should get off my ass and go try to be a teacher, because that is something I want to do... not what my parents or any one else thinks.
Well, I know this sounds like I am taking control of my life and doing my will... but seriously man, I think I need a change! My job is all about money in my mind and I feel like I am sucking from society and not giving back. I really just feel like a poser... like I am sitting in here and wasting my time doing something I know in my heart I will not be doing in 5, 10, or 20 years. Ok, now that I have let that all out, I am going to call my sponsor. This seems like a repetitive cycle. Me complaining about my job and happiness....
first of all Jonathan, we need to take a look at the stuff we have that we can be grateful for. Once we get your attitude into more of a positive one, we can take a look at this job. A TON of people (myself included at one point) get into sales (especially RE and mortgages) for the "big money" that is out there. It has begun to finally sink in that money will take care of itself, if I do a good job of taking care of people. I am now approaching my mortgage business form the perspective of one who yearns to serve his HP and those around him, INCLUDING his customers. I try to give value first, to be a giving part of the community I work in, rather than just worrying about the paycheck. I will get back to you on how it works out, I have just opened up my shop!
ReplyDeleteI think that sometimes, newcomers don't get the rest of the quote "No major changes in the first year..." it goes something like : "without consulting someone first..." Talk to your sponsor, your spiritual advisor if you have one, your family, if you have one, your trusted friends (not idiot drinking buddies!). Example: When I found the rooms of AA, I was in a sick relationship with a girl I thoughtI loved. As I sobered up, it became quite apparent that I was in lvoe with playing house, husband and daddy (to her cutie lil girl, whomI saw born...) Ok, I had to get out of that lie or drink, it was that simple. At 4.5 mos sober, after much deliberation with the men I went to meetings with, I tactfully, lovingly ended the relationship. I prayed for the courage to do it and I did it, with help! Two years later, she invited me to her wedding and we danced. She's a close friend, we hardly see each other cuz that's where life went for us but, we love each other in a healthy way today.
Job: I was a degreed (nearly a amsters) person when I got sober, who was working at McDonald's as the head maintenance man (ok, janitor) for several stores. I grew to hate the job more and more with each passing day of recovery.... right about the time I left my fiance, I changed jobs, again, with much consultation, homework, research and some prayer. In the end, it needed to be done, I was in a work situation that was putting pressure on my recovery. I have never looked back. Well, except to visit that McDonalds from time to time when I am feeling shitty about my current situation...
My mesasge to you my friend, keep hitting those meetings, keep in touch with your sponsor, pray, reflect, be honest and take as much input as u can get from people you trust. If you have to make a change, make it. No one says we have to sit still the first year and change nothing, lest we drink over the change. We make necessary changes by taking the time to pray and do our homework. no major changes all by yourself, without consulting at least your sponsor, is how the quote should go. Sometimes, we gotta make big changes early on.
Try not to drive yourself nuts, and keep coming back. RE/mortgage aint for everyone! Niether is sales!
Get "The litte Red Book of Selling" by Jeffery Gitomer if you want to learn what it's really all about, I cannot recommend that book highly enough.
Sorry for the long post, its just that I can really relate... Come see me at www.sobernuggets.blogspot.com
peace man! hang in there and keep coming back!
oh, and by the way, as the spiritual Jonathan improves, so shall the financial Jonathan, take that to the bank, it's a promise...
ReplyDeleteI do not have the money bug. Just give me enough to pay the bills and a little bit to play with and today I am happy. And I agree with what OS (other Scott) wrote: as the spiritual Jonathan improves, so shall the financial Jonathan.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Scott and other Scott.
ReplyDeleteBut, because I am me, I will add this ...
Right now, your focus should be on staying sober. It must become a priority or the addiction can easily overtake. Since you have a job, stick with it for now. Do the best you can while making sobriety your priority. Build a solid sober foundation at which time you will be able to practice the steps in finding the right job.
Thanks guys! I appreciate the advice, and will do so. I was talking with some folks last night and they pretty much said the same thing.
ReplyDelete