Hey yall! 8 days baby!
One thing though. I almost relapsed last night. I got home from work, and went to ride my bike... I noticed the tire was flat, so I bitched at it and then got off and pumped it up. All the time thinking how I was never again going to let my little sister ride the thing. Any whoooo... I was pissed, next thing you know, it starts to rain. So I got all sweaty and didn't even get a good work out in. Feeling defeated, I went home... and stewed in my anger. Funny thing, later that evening, I would learn that my sister fixed two flat tires on my bike the previous evening, and had simply not refilled the new tire all the way! Ha, and I thought she was the one being irresponsible!
Back to my story. I am pissed, it is like 6:15. I decide to go to subway. On the way, I had the thought... drink... go ahead just get drunk tonight, and pick up a month chip a week late. I went to subway, ate... now I am really thinking about drinking. I get in the car and drive to the grocery store, sitting in the parking lot, staring at the liquor store sign. Big book is sitting on my passenger seat... thoughts are going through my head. "You don't have to do this. Call somebody now!!! Just go to that 7:00pm meeting you were gonna go to!!!" I didn't feel comfortable calling anyone, so I picked up the big book, right there in the parking lot, and started to read the doctors opinion. Once I finished, I kinda sat there teary eyed, not really crying or anything, but just sad and feeling shameful. I thought about how I would feel, and how this wasn't right. Without calling anyone, still feeling ashamed I hadn't...I fired up the car, after sitting there for 10 minutes, and went to the meeting.
Afterwords, I called my AA friend John. And told him what happened. I knew I had to tell someone. I went home and did not drink, for one more day.
I think I realize that because I only have a few days sober, the obsession is still strong in me, I must be more vigilant today in my resolve, and make sure I am accountable to people. Yesterday, I had no commitment to make it to that meeting. Today, I am going to, right now, call someone, and make sure I meet them for a meeting tonight.
Use that phone!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on reading the book instead of going inside where the liquor was!
ReplyDeleteYou know, some people's obsession to drink is lifted from them the moment they sober up (like Bill W.) and other people still have the obsession for a long time (like Dr. Bob). The obsession gets less over time, but it may not disappear for quite a while.
Sounds like you're on the right track though. I'll give you the advice that I was given when I finally asked Jeff to be my sponsor: STALK YOUR SPONSOR. Seriously. Become his creepy stalker. It's OK, it might just save your ass once or twice.
Just my two cents worth! Wish you could be at the Cornhusker with all the guys.
Hang in there, baby (picture a kitty hanging from a tree branch)