Ranting and Raving

Now I would say it is time to talk a little bit about how I am feeling today.
I was in the bathroom, and suddenly I felt how nice it would be to get drunk tonight. Then I was like "Woo there cowboy!". I know I can rationalize myself into drinking. I always do. It's funny. It's quite obvious I am not ready to stop. Now, tonight, I am not going to drink. I just feel it. The urge is not so great as to over come my responsibilities and waking up early in the morning for work. But still, I am depressed that I still have this urge. I do not want to drink. But my mind can trick me into remembering how good it feels. And then I start with the "my consequences aren't so bad!"s and that is when the shit hits the fan. I go and drink. Nothing usually comes of it, except for me feeling shitty the next day or two.
End rant...
Now onto a new rant. I have Tang So Do tonight. Usually, I would ride my bike after work... till sevenish, and go grab some food. Tonight, Tang So Do is at 7:00, so it f-cks up my schedule. It is funny how I am most def not living in the moment right now. Like, why can't I enjoy my life, and go to freaking Tang So Do??? I could eat subway at 5:00pm, let the food digest for two hours, and then come home and relax... but no, I want to complicate the hell out of things. F it, I am going to subway, and then I am going to go to Tang So Do, then I am going to go home and chill.
I am lonely. Even with AA, I went last night, and felt good. Tonight, I def need it. but freaking tang so do get's smack in the middle of my meeting. Hmmm... no idea what to do here. Maybe I should go to the 5:45 meeting?