Fear is the root of a whole lot of the depression I occassionally feel, I fear for work, I fear where I may go or what I may do with my career, I fear what my bosses think of me, I fear for what my friends think, I fear I am destined to be single the rest of my life... all irrational fears that plague my daily routine when I am not living in the spirit of the program.
Generally, today I felt pretty good, except tonight I was internalizing as I sent out the old resume for computer programming type work and other related jobs. Hence, fear raised it's ugly head, just before bed time, and I don't like that! So I shall pray about it and try to live in the moment.
I never thought I would find an AA related qoute in a famous Sci-fi book. From Frank Herbert's "Dune" written in 1965, on the bottom of page 225:
"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Isn't that so damn cool!
I feel better already.
Enjoy the light of the day...
Fear and loneliness is two things virtually all alcholics understand. Hang in there, it DOES get better. I know that you know that already but, I just had to say it. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeletefear
ReplyDeletefuck everything and run is what it used to mean for me everyday
face everything and recover
what it means today---most days
wow
enjoy the light of the day---I love it!
That quote is too cool, Jonathan! You did what you needed to: praying and staying in the now when faced with fear. It's hard to learn to walk through it, to TRUST God to take us through it, but when we do, it's like WOW!!!
ReplyDeleteHand it over, hun. Clench your fist holding that fear, release your grip and ask your HP to take your fear. Practice, Practice, Practice.
ReplyDeleteHey Jonathan,
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing? Was thinking about you today.
Brad :-)
fear... future events appearing real... I hate getting that crap right before bedtime too, man... I like to read a little bible stuff or big book stuff, something positive, that will remind me of my faith in HP...
ReplyDeletepeace to you my friend!
ya know Bill W wrote qute a bit about depression. Not long ago I read something he wrote that hit me right between the eyes, Yikes--wish I had a better memory at times like this---oh well, it will come for you
ReplyDeleteglad you are still here Jonathan