Nice weather and grAAteful! Day 52!

I just had a thought. I am going to skip my Tang So Do class tonight, and go to a meeting, and then I am going to go to Barnes and Nobles and study the big book! I have been resting on my laurels... time to take some action, even though I feel like a bizzillion million million dollars.

Day number 52!

I woke up this morning and it was cold as sh!t. Well, cold for Florida any ways, felt a little shiver, ya know what I mean? Any whooo, man, last night was awesome. Not fun awesome, just kinda serene awesome. I decided to ride my bike up to the meeting, which I made the coffee at, and the weather was so beautiful it wasn't even funny. Riding along bayshore blvd up to the "With room to grow" group was just excellent. I got up there around 6:15, made the coffee, and then just sat on a bench over looking Tampa Bay, and listened to my mp3 player. Totally nice out... After the meeting I rode my bike to the grocery, and then on home where I cooked some vegies for din din. Totally nice night, went to bed a little late, I need to work on that.

In the meeting, this guy Jim came back in, he shared that he had just relapsed and wound up in the hospital. They appearently released him, and he was back. He relapsed a few months ago and has been trying to stay sober ever since. It's sad, but I really think him showing up helped me more then he knows, maybe even helped me more then it helped him. Does that make sense?

This guy had like 6 months sober about a year ago, and I remember sitting down with him for coffee and listening to him talk, and I could just tell, even then, that he was not "sold on the ideas in this book". You know when people share in meetings, and they talk about how well things are going for them, and how you can just feel them and their energy trying to take control of their own lives, and they almost seem way tooooo selfish?? Like when they should be saying "Thank you God, or Help me God, or God your the best! or What can I do for others?!" They are saying "Yea me! or Thank you God, but seriously, it was all me! Or simply, Yes, I will have some cake and I will eat yours as well!" Or you can just sense the doubt in their voice coupled with the unwillingness to let go and let GOD. Maybe high self esteem is a detrement to these folks? I have low self esteem, and wish I had high self esteem... I wonder if my low self esteem will actually be better for me in the long run??! Your thoughts?

So was I once a doubter of God, and so I dream never going back to be! (A bit of Rober Frost's "Birches" edited by me for AA!)

I shall leave you with a poem... most of you should relate to this one :)


God's Garden by Rober Frost

God made a beatous garden
With lovely flowers strown,
But one straight, narrow pathway
That was not overgrown.
And to this beauteous garden
He brought mankind to live,
And said: "To you, my children,
These lovely flowers I give.
Prune ye my vines and fig trees,
With care my flowerets tend,
But keep the pathway open
Your home is at the end."

Then came another master,
Who did not love mankind,
And planted on the pathway
Gold flowers for them to find.
And mankind saw the bright flowers,
That, glitt'ring in the sun,
Quite hid the thorns of av'rice
That poison blood and bone;
And far off many wandered,
And when life's night came on,
They still were seeking gold flowers,
Lost, helpless and alone.

O, cease to heed the glamour
That blinds your foolish eyes,
Look upward to the glitter
Of stars in God's clear skies.
Their ways are pure and harmless
And will not lead astray,
Bid aid your erring footsteps
To keep the narrow way.
And when the sun shines brightly
Tend flowers that God has given
And keep the pathway open
That leads you on to heaven.