Still so not counting... day number 17!

So today is day number 17, not that I am counting... but damn it; where are you day number 30?

I must say that I fantasized about drinking a little last night. I don't want to drink. Last night it was raining all night and just plain sucked. I skipped the meeting and instead went to the grocery store to get some much needed food. Naturally, while looking for oregano, I ran into another alcoholic named Tom. He was standing there looking for some spices.

Funny how that works. We talked for a bit and I went home feeling a little better. I was just really depressed last night. I didn't get to ride my bike, and if I had gone to a meeting in that pissed off mood, I would have drank. That's how I get, I know the urge and how it works in me... so I called an alcoholic to talk, but left a message. I knew I couldn't go to a meeting, cause when I get in that frame of mind, I only hear my self in my own head in the meetings... and then I drink. Every relapse has been like that. I go to a meeting feeling crappy, even share about it, and then drink. It's like while I am actually sitting in the meeting, I decide to drink because I convince myself how I am not like all these other alchies... hehe. You know the thinking. So I decided to go to bed early and try again today. No sense in putting myself in a risky situation, ya know?

Today is like the most beautiful weather, this morning it was still freaking raining.. so a bit of a rough start but it got sooo much better... I feel way better. Def don't want to pick up a drink, I need to get my ass to a meeting like asap after work... and promised to meet someone there so that is for sure. After the meeting I will ride zee bike and get my work out in.

Oh yea, quick thought on the school teacher idea. I am going to take the subject area exam to become a math teacher! It is in like a month, and I have to study for it since it looks to be as hard as the shit I took in college. I feel like if I just work towards taking the exam and pass it, I will feel better, regardless of wether I decide to quit my job and go forward with that career.

Laterz...