Day number... 16?

HALLO!

Sooo... still sober! Yea me! I have been praying way more than I have in the past. Today, at lunch, I prayed and said thank you to God for helping me to stay sober. Also I prayed that I do a good job at work and that God helped me get motivated at work. Pretty much it was one of those "God please help" prayers. Lately I have been really depressed at work. I get work done, but my job just sucks. I mean the job doesn't suck... it's more like I don't feel like I want to do this for the rest of my life. Ya know? I sit in an office (with no window), and basically track about 7 projects... (real estate developments)... my job consists of this:

8:00 - get some coffee
8:30 - get some more coffee
9:00 - now it's time to start attempting to do something
9:00 - 5:00 - call about 5 different engineers at 5 different companies, ask them if they have everything they need from me. Ask them if anything is new. Get said needed items to engineer or boss... who ever needs whatever... set up meetings with said engineers. Meet with engineer to tell them what my boss wants them to do. Go back to office. Look at and sign off on invoices. Give invoices to accounting. Pay invoice. Go back to desk and wait for something to happen. Stare at computer... continue to stare at computer. Go get more coffee. Go back to computer and continue to stare.

Usually it takes about 3 hours a day to do the above. So from 9:00 - 5:00 I really don't feel like i do much... as a matter of fact, I get paid really well to do jack shit. And I don't like it. I really hate project management. I cannot stand it. All I do is call people, ask people for shit, and do shit when my boss asks for it. I never feel like I get anything accomplished! Or maybe I hate it cause my parents got me into this business and I DID NOT CHOOSE IT? I don't know... But it pays the bills, and it pays damn good. I feel like I am a fraud, and that some day someone is going to call me out and say "Hey, you suck!" Of course that would never happen, but still, that is how I feel. I really don't like this crap. I feel like I am unhappy and the longer I stay here the longer I am waisting my time. I want to try and be a school teacher. At least that is something I can do on my own without my parents or anyone else telling me what to do.

Yes I know what your advice will be... take it easy, no major changes in the first year. But I feel like I need to continue to share what is on my mind. This is a daily thing for me and my sponsor... and so it shall continue to be until God takes this shit away.

Yes I have been praying like crazy! And it helps. I know my post could probably come across as a bit peeved... but today I am pretty darn peaceful! Trying to actually do some work. Going to organize my desk area! Lord knows I need it!!

End rant.