What the heck you looking at buddy?!

Grrr...

I think I will take that computer there, nice and secluded in the corner. Why would I want someone else reading my awesome personal stuff? I am feeling fiesty today. I think finals are wearing me a bit thin. I look forward to this evening. I went ahead and called my buddy and asked him if he wanted to chill for a bit later on. The answer is maybe, so maybe we will, maybe we wont, or maybe I will find someone else to chill with if he falls through.

No biggy.

Damn that chick was hot.

Sorry, in the library computer lab and my mind wanders....

Where was I? Oh, ok, so what's up? Nada, zilch, zippo, nunca... nothing. But is nothing really so bad? Not really. Its a good thing. I was just thinking today about stuff. Yea, me thinking, always a good thing. I think it is funny, rejection and the whole dating thing. I can see why people shouldn't date within the first year, or perhaps first few years. It seems like you put all this energy into someone else and it may or may not work out. Rejection sucks. It like totally can throw me through a loop for about... 5 minutes or so. Lol. It wasn't always like that. When I was in Highschool, I took rejection really bad. Same in college but to a less extent. Back then, I had alcohol to cope... and cope I would!

Today I get rejected and I am like... "eh? rejected! Awe man...! How un-cool! That b-i-t-c-h! Haha!" Then I realize that I am attracted to her and she is just not attracted to me. I can see why we are different and why she isn't into me or me her depending on the situation. Its easier when its you not into her, it sucks when your on the other end. After getting the rejection letter, I move along and ask for forgiveness because I am a selfish being not living in acceptance when I react negatively like that. Sure it hurts a little, but if I don't atleast take a few chicks out, I will never know.

For people new to sobriety, I can see how this dating thing can take you out. You have to put energy into it, but you HAVE to keep sobriety first. That is the hardest thing to do. And its funny, cause you don't mean to put sobriety second... not consiously anyway. It slowly happens, I think your inner-self thinks that the solution is in a relationship and not the rooms. I am telling you that the solution is in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous, and that is where I go to stay sober. Staying sober still trumps getting laid. I am glad I still feel that way.

So you... you there, hot chick over on the next computer! Stay away! I know you want it... lol ;) I wish.

Some people I think take the relationship thing to far, and make it the center of their little world. I know a few of these people. I am glad they found their higher power. My higher power is currently not another person. I don't put too much stock in other people as they tend to fail to live up to our expectations. I certainly won't rely on another person for my emotional well being. I feel sorry for those that do. That must suck to be so codependant. I like being independant.

In spite of recently rejecting a few girls and being rejected atleast a few times myself, I am still going to keep an open mind to relationships. I do want to have kids one day, I have heard that finding a female is step number 1 in that quest... (naturally you could get kids by unconventional means... adoption, etc...)

Jonathan