Letter to future me...

Letter to me. This is me sitting down, and looking across the table at me 30-60 years from now. I read about doing this in psychology monthly... love that magazine.

Dear Me,

Jonathan. Hi. First I want to say I am sorry if I did not do the things you dreamt of doing, and that I tried my best to get there and live a full life. I tried the best that I knew how, to enjoy the day and keep it at just one day at a time. I regret never moving to Baltimore... I somehow think that life would be better (or worse) for you if I did. I am sorry if you did not get to spend as much time with your grand parents when they were still here. I did however try, and returned twice, sometimes three times a year to spend time with them. I hope you forgive me if that was not enough. Sometimes, it does not seem to be enough.

I am trying to become something great. I am ok with mediocre, if that's what God's will is, but I am shooting for the stars anyway! It will take many years and sacrifices to achieve, but I feel that looking back, you will be proud of me, and what we became. Sometimes I wonder if I am on the right path. I pray for your sake that I am. I do not want to let you down. I only want the best for you and hope my choices led you to a full life of happiness and love; with many friends and family.

I am sorry that we lived away from family. I know it can be rough. Perhaps I can still change that, and keep those whom I hold dear the closest.

I hope you and your brother are still "the usual suspects" and that your relationship with him is awesome. I hope Katie has found her way, and that you've done your best to love her like a good brother should. I bet that you did, you are a good guy. I'd like for us three to live close together some day, you, Katie, and Gregory... that would be nice. Has that come to be?

I work out almost daily, and eat healthily. I hope that has paid off for you and allowed you to age well. I also quit chewing tobacco and do not smoke or drink alcohol anymore. I take care of my teeth like grandma always said, and recently had the dentist screen me for oral cancer. I am trying my best to look out for you. I'd like to live a long time, and I assume you do to. In looking at you across the table, I feel like your physical and mental health or the two most important things. I hope you are happy with the way I treated your body in your younger years. It is the least that I can do for you. We are the same person, you and I...

Do you have kids or grand kids? Are you married or single? Do you have many friends? How is your professional life? All questions I'd love to hear about. Maybe you'd be so kind and write me a note back? Regardless of what you are doing, I bet its still just one day at a time. I bet you lead a peaceful life.

I must admit, you and I aren't the best at the love thing. I try at that too, I hope I can come out of my shell for your sake, a bit more. I think I have come out a good bit. At this point it seems I just have to meet the right girl who likes what she sees. I am coming into my own and feel at ease. Discovering myself is paramount to this thing called love. How can someone love me if I do not know who I am in my heart?

I hope one day I will meet your wife, and she will like me for me, and see the good she sees in you. Looking back, do you see all the dating and silly games girls play and see how funny it all is? I will continue to do the footwork, and put that in Gods hands. I hope that you, sitting there in your golden years, have a warm home and grandchildren on your mind. If not, I am sorry. I will try my best to not let you down.

I am sorry if it took a few years, but I think I don't yet know my true self. Its getting closer everyday, that moment of pure clarity. I am happy today. I am taking steps in the right direction. I hope they lead you to even more happiness. It seems I am on the right path, picking flowers God has given, and avoiding thorns of av'rice. (Robert Frost)

In closing, I wish you well. I hope you've aged as well as I think you will. I hope you bring happiness to all those you touch, just like grandpa Herman, with a hint of pop-John. I bet you were successful, and happy... and now looking back at me realize how little you knew way back when. Now, late in life, I bet you smile when you think about how little faith you had; and how that changed when you challenged your self. I hope you smile remembering all of the trials and tribulations. I bet you made out alright. I have faith in you. With that faith, I will trudge the road to happy destiny.

I bet you're content, grateful, and thankful for all of life's gifts.

Be good, say hi to everyone that made the journey with you. Say a prayer for those who didn't make it. And Jonathan... don't do anything I wouldn't do. :)

Sincerely,

Jonathan