Into the depths of my soul...

I am reaching... reaching for something.

Ep, got nothing. Nothing to discuss. For some reason my brain shuts off while I am in Baltimore. I can not explain it. It is like I want to say something but I can't... there just isn't anything there man! Well, I am pretty sure I posted some good "this is what I am feeling" posts earlier in the week. Everything I posted is still spot on...

Maybe I just suck at blogging.

Well, I feel like I don't talk completely about everything I'd like to say... you know, I want to just lay it all out there. I want to talk more about my fears and dreams. I have some dreams you know. I want to tell them to you. I also want to share with you my fears and why they hamper my progress. Specifically, I'd talk about that fear of rejection.

Key word progress... not perfection.

Well, how would I begin? I have a dream. I dream that one day I will be a doctor. That is in the future, so I keep that dream in the back of my mind... not totally in the conscious. My big dream today is to live in the moment, one day at a time. My fear is that you will reject me. That she will reject me. That people in the rooms will reject me. I don't like that fear, so I ask that God remove it from me when it crops up. I still don't know what to do about my feelings for the window flower. I am not sure I ever will.

Tiny steps, on at a time.

I will continue to dream big while keeping my feet in the moment. I do that with the help of those random people I meet in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. With out them, I would be lost, helpless, and alone.

Jonathan

Today I am grateful and thankful.