Since my last post on Friday, I am feeling better. Later in the afternoon on Friday, I ended up getting some work done and actually kinda sorta felt better by the end of the day...
I think the big issue here is fear. I fear my bobb's boss, responsibility, putting my self out there, and people in general. I fear accountability big time.. All these fears tend to just explode when I get to the office... some days are better than others. I basically drive my self nuts! I am starting to realize that it is all me... perhaps I am not working the program as well as I could be...
I wonder if I should get a new sponsor, I called him Friday morning, left a message explaining my dire depressive feelings, and he didn't call me back till Saturday! That was nothing new, he has been distant recently, he use to be more available... Plus, he doesn't really kick my butt into gear like he use to.. (he got a girlfriend) and everyone else in my area has been telling me to get a new sponsor... Some of my friends are worried that my sponsor is letting me down, but then I think: well what's my part, and am I not trying hard enough?
I think I may need someone who is a bit more active in AA, rather than his girl...
Hmmm... anywhoo, today is a good day... I need to reach out to some other alcoholics today, as I did yesterday... it feels so much better when I talk with others...
Thank you guys and gals, you are all wonderful!
175 DAY!!!! Jonathan, you're freakin' awesome!! You are truly an inspiration. Thanks so much for your honesty, your vulnerability, your willingness to share your life with us. You're my hero. Thank you, too for your comment on my blog, and for not giving up on me.
ReplyDeleteMuah! xoxo