Day 184 - Some qoutes and ramblings

Well, today I have hope! And I shall face my fears and walk through them, and let them pass by me... or as one of my favorite Authors liked to say:

"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." (1965 - Frank Herbert, "Dune", on the bottom of page 225.)

I finished reading his second novel, the sequal to the first, and he used the quote again, only a different character said it. Very interesting, I am reading the third book now.

Basically, I am losing my job and I need to find a roommate. One of those could already be taken care of. I was telling a girl in the office about needing a roomy, and it turns out that she needed to find a place to stay! On top of that, no bitching or moaning about the rent/rate. Plus, I trust her, since I have worked with her for a year and a half... I kind of know what to expect. So, she came and checked it out, and told me she will move in, in three weeks!

Cool.

One down, one to go.

The job search continues. Two open positions came up at the County, that I am qualified for, and would pay right at my minimum requirement for paying the mortgage/bills/expenses... I have applied, and called my friend who works there and asked for his advice/help. He is very cool in a non-commital way. So I was glad to atleast tell him, and yes, I am trying not to having expectations, and just let God take it from here. I did the footwork, now let's see what happens.

I also called another friend in AA, who is in the IT industry, and told him I needed help... he is helping with the IT search. I also, told a whole slew of other people just to get the word out there, and to get support. I am in fear a tiny bit, but not too bad. I am financially good for a long time if need be, and I do my taxes with my Accountant today, so finding out what I owe the government will be one less thing off my plate, and a HUGE relief once I write that huge check over to "The Man".

Today I feel so darn good... except of course being at work, knowing they are letting me go. It's kinda like the person you love tells you "Hey, I want to break up with you" and then turns around and says, "But how about we be friends with benefits for oh... about 3 weeks??"

Ya know? Kinda like, I am getting the ax, but I still have to play the part and act like I still hope there is a job here, but there soon won't be? So I wear the mask... or like Paul Laurence Dunbar said... "We wear the mask that grins and lies, it hides our cheeks and shades our eyes" (1896 - Dunbar).

Well that's all I have today.

I also think I need to either get a new sponsor, or force my sponsor to meet me on a weekly basis... I don't think I want what he has anymore..(girl friend, and less AA) I don't see him weekly, and he doesn't have a "requirement" to call him every day... I think I need that, ya know?

Any who,

Peace - Gotta get back to work!