Day number 93 and... I don't really feel like drinking at all.
This weekend was good, mostly hit all of my meetings except for the Sunday night one, which seemed to be cancelled do to the church's activities last night.
I spent some time at home, as is usual, and dwelt a little bit on the third step prayer. It seems that daily, I am having trouble turning over certain things to my HP. Work for instance is a big one... but there is more to it than just that. I think maybe I am unhappy with myself and my past choices in my life. So in this respect, I need to turn that over to my HP, and be happy with me as I am.
I was thinking about that this weekend, and again this morning. I kinda every now and then started telling myself "I am happy with me!", "I am ok with me as I am!". This seems to help. It's like I am always thinking ahead to the future, what if this, what if that... This all needs to be turned over.
How can I do that on a daily basis?
Today I am grateful for:
My mom
My brother
My sister
My cats
My home
My car
My bicycle
My coffee cup
My health
My body
Being able to help out Friday and Saturday night
Hanging out with some other AA's over the weekend
These tools which slowly but surely I am learning to use ever so more often then the day, week, or month before
i find a good way to stop worrying about little problems is to get a BIGGER problem! true! it works! it helps put things in perspective!
ReplyDeleteyou know the term 'compassion fatigue'? well i sort of got 'anxiety fatigue' after one thing, then another..
in the end i just gave up worrying. no point. theres only so much adrenalin your body can deal with!
my situation has many uncertains, but i can honestly say im not bothered. 'ill cross that bridge when i get to it' sort of thing. but initially when the first uncertainties came along, i thrashed about a bit, looking vainly for something secure to hang on to, then i got sick and tired of being sick and tired, and sort of gave in. now i feel fine! nothing has changed, i just trust more!
but i like to think i have 'paid my dues' when it comes to helping alcholics. thats my insurance policy. and i make sure i make those payments EVERY DAY. all i know is that things seem to work out as long as i GENUINELY look for ways of contributing to the stream of life EVERY DAY. faith without WORKS is dead as they say. the 'firing line' quote says it all really. well thats the 'rule' i live by anyway...
my how to do it differently is contrary action and service service service
ReplyDeletekeep on hanging with the winners--
turning it over... staying in the day.... all good stuff but can be tough at first... I just try to focus on what I have in front of me to do, and I literally ask HP/God to take care of the stuff I cannot control of effect an outcome on. Then, I focus on what I can work on, and leave the rest to Him... The 3rd Step prayer is a great place to start... Also, working with other alkies/addicts will really keep your head in a good place!
ReplyDeleteHey, Jonathan. Not that I'm qualified to offer any advice, especially lately, but I think the 3rd Step prayer is designed to be used daily, and really, as often as need be. It's a continual, constant thing, the turning over to HP the things we are powerless over.
ReplyDeleteDon't know what your religious background is, either, but you may be familiar with the old Baptist hymn, Just As I Am, which reminds us that God (or HP) accepts us just as we are, and, therefore, we can accept ourselves that way, as well. It's just the willingness to come and present ourselves and our challenges to HP that counts.
93 days?
ReplyDeleteDude.
You ROCK!
I'm glad that you are seeing that "I am happy with me!" "I am okay with me as I am!"
You are awesome and don't let anybody tell you different.
THanks for your refreshing comments on my blog and for your support in my recovery!
xoxo
hippychick
Good job!
ReplyDeletehow's your today?
ReplyDeleteOh btw congrats on 90 days plus 4.
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time turning some things over too (some small and some Gigantic!). What I have been hearing lately over and over is that in order to do this it must be met with action. All the prayer will not allow one to let it go.
ReplyDeleteI am still learning the art of this just as you are, and it is ok. :)
If it only were that easy, that I could think myself right. How fun would that be now. :)
Keep up the positive affirmations, that is an action that is very powerful.