Almost there folks!!
Anyhow, straight to what's bugging me. I have this job, they work 11 hour days... mostly what I like to call face time. I go in at 8 in the morn and leave at 7 at night. I do not like that. I also have always pretty much resented the business we are in... real estate development.
So I have those two things I am grappling with. The resentment thing isn't too big a deal, I can get through that... but it amplifies in my mind when I am forced to sit in an office almost 12 hours a day. I don't like working crazy hours like that... I just don't think it is nessaccary. Another thing, from the get go, I was kinda luke warm on even taking this job to begin with.
I just fear that the hours are getting to me and I want to quit. Last Friday I nearly lost my cool after work... totally just spent, and very stressed. Not too serene. Any how, I feel like I keep taking these jobs I hate because I am in fear of financial security. I think I should quit and try to do something else... I know this sounds like I am giving up... but come on! The freaking hours alone make my hourly wage equal to my previous job, one I almost kinda like!
So work long hours in a job I already resent, or take the plung and try to do something new??? I am going to work tomorrow, and we shall see what happens. Fear is keeping me there at the moment, also I am trying to make this work, but I don't think I can take much more of working 24/7.
Wish me luck, I am just throwing out what's been on my mind. I have been talking with my sponsor and every other person I come across in the program. The answer seems to be leaning toward "go back to school".
My sobriety alone is at risk here, I feel like I am about to melt down with regard to the job choice I made... feel like I took it for the same damn reason I have chided myself in the past for: Big job, big money, ego, and fear of letting OTHER people down...
Man, anyhow, we will let you know what happens!
Peace
when you work long hours. eg 12hr days, you have to be a NAZI about getting enough sleep, and eating PROPER food, and not tolerating any CRAP in your life in the form of crazy friends, or doing stuff in your free time that drives you nuts, in order to NOT GO MAD.
ReplyDeletebasically you have to be pretty tough, and minimize all stressors, to be able to keep that up for any length of time. I work 12hr days quite a lot. not 5 days a week. just 3. but I do NOT place ANY 'demands' on my time on the days that i do 12hrs.
Trust me. You HAVE to take care of sleep, food, and no crap in the downtime, to keep your head straight if you are working those hours. happy people do not happen by accident! everybody is a product of the way they are managing their lives.
it sounds like you are unable to appreciate this job because you are ambivalent about it.
I would be very happy to work in a ultra corporate place. I don't see it as any less 'spiritual' than being a yoga instructor. Its what you make it. I am doing a degree whilst working full time that will enable me to switch careers and I'm very excited about it, but it took me AGES to find out that I was well suited to this other career path. Its my 2nd degree. All I know is things aren't that simple. You cant second guess life. Yes you are clearly ambivalent, AT PRESENT, but that does not mean that this job is 'wrong' for you. You might find out in 15yrs time that you really want the career path you are on at present. You rack up a MASSIVE debt if you go to college full time, so think VERY carefully before you commit to ANY choice that saddles you with a huge debt. My part time degree is as good as any full time one, and will leave me with NO debt. So there are MANY ways to skin a cat...
Why don't you speak to AA members (longer time sober) who work in the type of job you are in now? Ask them what its like, and how they decided that it was for them. Ie go straight to the people who are 'in' it, and like it, to get a long term view of what the job offers. This may offer you a clearer perspective of the job.
Whatever. Pray about it and do your lousy best, but in the meantime TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. HALT and all that...
Good luck!
Thank you so much for your kind words! Exactly what I needed to hear! I have been praying about it and talking to folks about it. We shall see what happens.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, the school thing would be paid for, no worries about debt. So that is why I am conflicted between the two. I feel like I should try the school thing earlier in my life rather than waiting through a job I don't particularly like. I am trying my best to pray for willingness and ask for advice.
We shall see, I haven't done anything yet! I will let you know how it goes.
Jonathan
you know it took me 19yrs sobriety before i found something i LOVED. and it was the LAST place I expected to look!!!
ReplyDeleteI dont ACT like a hippy, or LOOK like a hippy, but I pretty much AM a hippy, (in regard to money, status, ego, wanting appproval etc), so i was CONVINCED I should end up being a 'councelllor' or a therapist or write books about ? spirituality or recovery or something.
turns out, what I am REALLY good at, is something VERY 'traditional' and corporate. whats even WEIRDER, is that I LOVE it.
so what I'm trying to say is YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU DONT KNOW. I always thought there was no point doing what I do now because people only did it for money and alll that Shite, AND I COULD NOT HAVE GOT IT MORE WRONG. yeah some people DO do it for money, but it's ALSO possible to do it for very enlightened reasons, and I was incapable of seeing that untill i started studying it.
so there you go!
life is a bit weird to be honest. there is a CHANCE I MIGHT have found this out sooner if i had paid for VERY EXPENSIVE careers councelling years ago, but who knows. i have some links on my blog on careers councelling if youu are interested. its pretty expensive!
right i'd better be off.. i hope you figure it out!
hey Jonathan, long time no read...
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear you're not enjoying your job.. I had a job for a couple years that wore on and on and I finally about made myself nuts finding something new. It took me 5 months to find a better career situation for myself, opening my own mortgage broker office.
I guess my point is that while we have to pay the bills and be responsible (ie not quitting before we have a new gig or not burning bridges) to ourselves and others, we also have a right, a need to be happy. I am coming to believe that it's ok to have a job loving what we do and I am convinced that my success depends in large part on how much I anjoy what I am doing, how much passion I bring to it and how much fun I have doing it.
I dunno man, hang in there, try to see it out until you can find something better, or until it just becomes too much and you have to implement some sort of damage control, lol. No job or money is cerainly worth wrecking your health or risking your recovery my friend... But I bet you can find a way to hang in there a day at a time until ou can attract something that you would enjoy more.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you, sir!
what's happening today?
ReplyDeleteDon't take a job to please other people. You'll NEVER be happy.
ReplyDelete