Tired...

THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Wow, long day.

Basically hung out with my family over in Clearwater early on in the day, and then went straight to an AA get together at a friends house. Now I am back home and just kinda sleepy. Perhaps my body is saying: go to sleep!

I had a really good time today. It was great seeing everybody! Not too much drama to report either. Actually, the whole family got along pretty well. My little sister is in town from California, and she may stay with me for a few nights this week. I told her she could crash here if she got tired of my mom's house. Any how, still tired and feeling like sleep!

Lol

Maybe I will do that...

Jonathan

Hallo!

What is going on?! Hmmm... nothing much to complain about today. I went to a meeting at 5:45 pm, and then did my KA-RA-TAY... er... I mean; Tang So Do...

Quick update on the dating thingy-ma-bobby. Yea, so I wasn't sure if I was ready to actually date yet, so I told the girl I was seeing that I couldn't do it, date that is. Could not continue dating... just couldn't. I don't know, I feel overwhelmed with the whole thing... perhaps I was just not into her that much? I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I can really ever be ready for a relationship. I like my life the way it is right now, with no romantic interests. I like that. It's simple. Well, anywhoo, point is, I kinda sorta am leaning back toward the idea that I am just not ready to date yet.

Anywhooooo, had coffee with that same girl earlier tonight... I think we are doing the friends thing and just taking it from there. Whew! My cat just took a dump and the whole house stinks!! Haha! Wow, that was random. I think I will leave that line in there.


Lol

Jonathan

Awesome!

Is that how you spell awesome? Guess so... just did spell check!

Tonight, I am going to have dinner over at the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. That should be nice. I thought my mom would like to dress up and have a nice dinner to celebrate some stuff going on with our lives. Admittingly, I enjoy dressing up too, makes me feel good about myself.

I need to get some studying in, and am debating working out at the gym... My knee was giving me some problems the other day, felt like I was tearing a muscle lifting weights... I have this ligament that is all swollen into a ball, and when the muscle moves over it during a leg press, the ligament (I think) actually catches on the muscle and it could cause some major damage. So yea... maybe a doctor should be seen before I do more leg workouts...

I will be hitting the 8:15pm AA meeting over on Bayshore Blvd... and after that will most likely be hanging with some friends.

Today I am grateful and thankful for...

My family
friends
AA
My sponsor
life
school
daaaa cats
sobriety

Today...

I am grateful.

Had lunch with a good friend, we traded on advise... and then I went to work out. My cat won't stop attempting to jump up on my lap... besides that, I have no complaints today.

Peace...

Jonathan

Today I am grateful for:

My sponsor... whom I should call
My family
My friends
My kitty cats
AA
and my sobriety... awesomeness

Going swimming!

I am going to the poool! Actually, it's not my pool, so I am a little wierded out by the thought of going to a pool where a bunch of strangers will surely be swimming :)

I am sure it will work out just fine. After that, I plan on seeing a movie tonight!

School is great, life is good... still no complaints. I was talking with my mother today, I think I am getting more into acceptance with her. Very cool, it was kinda like a tipping point a week or two ago, when it hit.... acceptance. Been really busy lately with school and stuff, I have some chemistry home work tonight that looks complicated, but I should be alright with it.

That's all she wrote...

Jonathan

Today I am thankful for:

My family
My friends
My HP
My super nerdy wishes he were as cool as me sponsor
AA
AA
Some more AA
And, the big blue book

I keep losing...

money in the stock market! Fun stuff! Actually, just kidding, today the market is up!

I am having just the bestest day today and yesterday. I hung out with Paul and bunch of guys last night, at a pizza joint after the meeting. Today I had school and some more school. Tonight I have martial arts. No complaints today, everything is just peachy.

Feeling kinda chlorinated... was at the pool, what a pretty day!

Hmmm.. trying to think of a problem or complaint I have... but yea, just can't come up with one. Damn. That sucks. Imagine that, you stay sober and things get better! Oh, here is one. I am going to apply to med school here next summer. I need to get some volunteer experience, doing anything. I can't decide on wether to volunteer at the hospital, or something that I am more interested in... like at some rehab place, homeless shelter, church... So yea, that's the big problem for me today!

Today I am thankful...

For my family
Friends
Tampa
My Sponsor
AA
AA
and some more AA

Quick Update!

Ok, so I am feeling much better this morning since yesterday. I talked to my sponsor about it, and he thought I did good making that phone call. So I actually feel just peachy today. No complaints. I have this meeting I help setup every Saturday night that I am just stoked about. I have to buy the supplies tonight, so I have to get up there 2 hours before the meeting (big meeting.. 300 people).

So awesome!

I was talking to my sponsor about how hard it is to actually maybe ask a girl out that you know. He was telling me how blind dates and the online thing, for him, never worked... and the second he stopped trying so hard, bam! He met someone... someone he already knew and just asked out on a date! I was like "wow, never thought of that... asking someone out you know!" Crazy idea right? lol

So anyway, crazy thing happened this morning. I had a girl ask me for my number. I am not use to girls not being shy like that. This girl is in my martial arts class, and I was not even thinking about the whole "dating" thing. We just happened to have a really great conversation, and bam, I said something about starbucks and the next thing you know she wants to get some coffee! Not sure if it's gonna turn out as just friends or more, but whatever... either way I am sure it all work out. We seem to have alot in common, and she is NORMAL! (or appears to be) Just excited to have someone appear to be attracted to me. Girls can be so hard to read sometimes... and I am a dunce, so it's nice when they make it obvious!

You know it would be a whole lot easier if people just said what was on their mind rather than keep it all upstairs. I can't tell you how much I have missed out on because I was too shy or scared to be honest.

LOL!

Jonathan

I feel really awful

You guys, this is why I don't like dating!

I went on a few dates with a girl, who I think is really cool, who I enjoy hanging out with, but I just didn't feel a connection... like romantic wise. I felt realllly bad, and still do, but I had to call her and tell her I wasn't ready to date. I feel awkward and now kinda sad. I really don't like hurting people, and I just feel so bad about it when the mutual attraction is not there.

Now if it's the other way around, and she tells me "hey, I am just not that into you" I usually feel down and then bounce back. It's not so bad. But when it's me doing it, I just feel so bad. Then I start second guessing myself... like "well how do you know she isn't the one" "What if you are making a mistake?".

So yea, it sucks. But I should listen to my feelings right? Like if I am not feeling it, doesn't that mean I shouldn't lead girls on and stop dating them as soon as I know my interest level is not as high as it should be?

Jonathan

Today...

I am grateful and thankful!

I spent the afternoon with my brother's wife, their daughter, and my brother for a few hours. I had to go over and fix up the computer I gave them and make it uber cool! The baby is cute. And I am not just saying that because she's my niece. This baby is just the prettiest baby I have ever seen... no kidding. Plus... PLUS, she doesn't cry! She's a happy baby!

Anyhow... it was fun. J. trusts me enough to leave me with the baby and go to the store! Awesome, soon I am sure they will move me on up to the next level... diaper changing!

Just happy today. Not "I want to rub it in your face, smug and OMG I am just sooooo exstatic - happy"... no no... I am just here, in the present... happy. At peace....

On that dating thing... I am getting more comfortable with the idea of it, and thanks so much for that comment Dave, I think you are right on, that's exactly what my sponsor said.

Jonathan

Aprox 3 Months to Two years sober!

Yea baby!

I am sooo cool. Ok, stop taking all the credit Jonathan! And talking to yourself in the third person... for real.

Good day today, just excellent. I enjoyed having coffee with a friend after school, worked out at the gym, and did some studying. Nothing to complain about. I also talked with someone on the phone for like an hour earlier in the day, which was funny cause I actually enjoyed the conversation!

Oh yea, I have suddenly gotten into acceptance on that mom thing I posted about earlier! I just went over to her house, and accidently ran into her new boyfriend... and low and behold I talked to him! All of those pent up feelings just melted away. I prayed about it and it was removed, or atleast it's getting close to being removed.

On another note, I talked to my sponsor about dating people and so forth, he thinks it's a good idea to learn how to deal with those things in sobriety. Interesting that my sponsor would suggest dating as an avenue toward personal growth. I agree with him, it should be interesting.

Anywhoo...

Peace

Jonathan

Today I am grateful and thankful for...

My pets
My mom
My bro
My sis
My family in general
My health
and all the stuff my HP continues to provide