Step eight - Big Book

In the book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says on page 76 (in my 4th edition version):

"Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead". Lets look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We atempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."

This is the step I am on... and I must admit I am resting on my laurels. My sponsor wants me to make a list of all the people I have harmed in the past, yet I seem to notbe finding the time to do so in all of my unemployed glory.

I go to meetings, sometimes 2 a day, generally 5 - 7 a week. This has been the case from the very beginning, and am very happy going to meetings. For me, going to meetings, hanging out with AA people, having dinner with sober friends, and service work are all the corner stone of my sobriety.

Working the steps is and has been important to my sobriety, as it should be. I have been told that the real growth comes from working these steps, every day of our lives. I believe that, and try my very best to apply the steps to my real world problems. So when it comes to working them with my sponsor and getting through the initial 12 steps for the first time, I seem to get hung up on the big ones, steps 4 and 5, and steps 8 and 9.

Fear, sloth, self importance... I think these character defects are hampering my progress. So... I should probably work step 7 harder, as I go through these next few steps:

"I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulnes to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding."

So there we have it. I shall also pray for the willingness to be willing, and get off my butt and work these steps!

My sobriety depends on it.

Jonathan

1 Year and 2 Months!

Hey folks!

Yes, I am still sober!

So what is new with me? Nothing much... seems to be a common thing lately. So let's catch up... here is what's happening with me.. or happened anyways. I'd like to get back into blogging. So here goes my story since my last post:

I quit the job 3 months ago, and allowed my self to be pulled into another job, helping a friend with his lawn care service..Unfortunately, I agreed to help out this person for 40 hours a week for many weeks, with minimal pay. I say that, because it seems like I get the thought in my head that I am going to do something (go to school) and then I feel bad about letting someone down (my friend who relied on me for his lawn care service, and only asked me because he tends to be in fear about hiring people he doesn't know), and I end up not doing what I wanted to do because I get preoccupied doing the other thing.

KK, long paragraph and probably confusing... but the gist of it is that I missed the school sign up deadlines for this fall, and the lawn care thing started to taper off as the season turned to winter... so now I am back to unemployed, and no school.

Don't get me wrong. I am totally grateful for the lawn care experience, I had fun, it was a great workout, and I now have a huge respect for the type of work my friend does... hell I could even do my own lawn care business if I wanted to... maybe when I retire, today I have some dreams I'd like to try out first!

That dream, which still hasn't changed, was to go back to school! So, I signed up yesterday, and today I am going in to talk to a councilor about the classes and all that jazz. Funny thing, it seems I keep getting side tracked by people asking me to help them out in this business or that, my friend J. called this morning and wanted me to help him with his business... the answer for him is no, because this Alcoholic is done doing other people's will.

I think I am a bit codependent... it seems I want to please everyone, but forget about what it is I want....

And that brings me to another topic, how do I know when what I want is what god wants?

That is my question for you today, and any thoughts would be appreciated... I have the chance to go to school again, yet am scared to take the plunge and worried one day I will wake up and God will say "Wrong again!".

LOL!

Fun stuff.

Jonathan